Friday, 16 January 2015

Lost, Naked and Afraid in IKEA

I spent more time at IKEA this autumn than any person in their right mind ought to. But I did finally decide on the book shelves and sideboard that I needed for my apartment. For the first time in my life, though, I had IKEA deliver and assemble the furniture for me. My days of personally wrasslin' with an allen key are SO over.


You can get damn near anything at IKEA, it's true.


I must have walked a million miles inside that bloody store. The sheer size of it is the main reason I never go to IKEA unless I absolutely have to.


Their furniture looks good even though it's not solid wood. Or solid anything, really.


But putting it together? No wonder people want to murder someone once they've finished assembling IKEA furniture . . . .


Even Santa's gone IKEA. Saves him a bundle on labour costs.


55 comments:

Mark said...

I've never had to go to Ikea myself but I've heard more than enough about them to say to myself I probably never will. I bought flat pack furniture once from another store. My friend put it together for me and when she was done there were, of course, pieces she didn't use. The entire thing collapsed a few months later.

Plowing Through Life (Martha) said...

BAHAHAHA! I love these, especially the car and the blueprint! IKEA is a great place to go for exercise. By the time you've walked through you have no doubt burned off hundreds of calories. And at the end is where you find all the food/restaurants (Swedish meatballs) waiting for you. Coincidence? I think not.

strangelynaked.com said...

I didn't even know you could have them deliver and assemble! All this time wondering if those left over parts are extra or if this bookshelf is going to topple over after the first book is added. The closest my spouse and I ever come to divorce is somewhere around the kitchen section of Ikea, which is an improvement because it used to be right at the sofa part where the arguments wash over us.

Vanessa Morgan said...

I also spent too much time at Ikea this year due to moving to a new place. Glad it's all behind me now :)

Jenn said...

Those elves!

I love/hate IKEA... it's my favourite/most dreaded shopping adventure.

jaz@octoberfarm said...

as if ikea isn't already bad enough, trying going to customer service there sometime!

heartinhand said...

Omg I love assembling furniture from IKEA...alone. I'm methodical. I lay it all out just like the picture. Im probably alone here in my love for IKEA! I should charge people to assemble their stuff. :)

Contrary Guy said...

Don't ever walk on the recommended path in the opposite direction of the arrows for any length of time unless you want fight a consistent ongoing surge of people going the other way. We did for a while and got off the path and then just wandered around on our own.

Suzie Ridler said...

We were right there with you. It went from fun to exasperating the fifth time we were there just trying to get through the store to the warehouse without knocking people over. BTW, I had no idea that they will put stuff together for you! Brilliant.

Magaly Guerrero said...

I want to LIVE in that van!

Laurie M said...

I have never been to Ikea but I would like a few things I see other people have from there, we'll never have one here, I know that, so the chances of my going to one are zero to nothing, good for you to have them put together, we're just to past all that crap!

Magaly Guerrero said...

The throne made me roar!

DEZMOND said...

sadly, we don't have IKEA here, we're probably the only place on Earth taht doesn't...

Leeanna said...

AHAHAHAhahaahahahahaaaa! So you're saying you had the IKEA elves put your stuff together for you?

Robin Larkspur said...

I have never been to an IKEA. None here in my area. Love the cartoons though. Glad you paid for the assembly!! Show a presence of mind and survival instinct!!

mxtodis123 said...

I have never purchased anything at IKEA. Came close to it, but they didn't have the shelf unit we were looking for.
Mary

The Happy Whisk said...

I love how the place is one big maze.

Janie Junebug said...

I've never been in an Ikea. I don't think I've even seen one. The Hurricane bought some furniture at an Ikea. Her uncle helped her put it together, not that she couldn't do it herself. She can do anything.

Love,
Janie

Night Owl said...

A great idea to let the delivery people assemble the furniture, it must have avoided so much stress and frustration :-D! Love the chicken joke!

Victoria said...

The throne cartoon made me totally giggle..too cute! Thanks for the smiles..awesome! Wishing you a fantastic day and a magical wkd ahead!
HUgs
Victoria

Missy George said...

I went to Ikea long ago..We don't have one closeby...They seem to have everything..

Dexter Klemperer said...

Ah, the Allen wrench. Can never find one when you need it and then have a hundred of them clogging up a drawer when you don't need them.

Guillaume said...

I have a love/hate relationship with IKEA. It's a good place to buy furniture and the odd piece of Swedish gastronomy, but I remember spending far too much time there out of necessity.

Rosemary said...

Fortunately all Ikea Stores seem to be built to the same plan. Once you know the short cuts to where you want to be you can be in and out in no time.
Sometimes I just want their ground coffee, gravlax for salmon and delicious marmalade flavoured with elderflower, but I don't want to go wandering all through the furniture and bedlinen etc. to get it.

greekwitch said...

Hahahaha! I just loved the ikea elves!! Half my living room is ikea. But the stores feel like a time- space wormhole that sucks you in and all you hope once you get there is it spits you out in front of a hot dog!!

Dr. Theda said...

We have never had the "misfortune" to shop there.... But, thanks for the "Laugh"....
and dear Lady Debra... the Dr. Phibes films are fun to watch and Mr. Price gives a gleefully Evil performance... it is all a bit "Campy" ...
And "Theater of Blood" is along the same lines... very enjoyable...
And Terry Thomas has a cameo in the second Dr. Phibes film (as does Peter Cushing)...

bill lisleman said...

I'm very proud to state that I have never set foot in an Ikea. However once I did wait in the car outside of one. You probably didn't play with Legos as a kid did you?
Oh if you have the chance your comment on my post (thanks) raised another question for you.

Dixie@dcrelief said...

I only buy things pre-assembled or off the show room floor, as I'm allan-wrench challenged.

Anne O'Leary said...

I've never been in IKEA. But that's only because I've never lived in a place big enough to have their stores.

Miss Val's Creations said...

I have never been to Ikea. My friends have some cool pieces from there. However it being incredibly infamous for difficult assembly, I think I'm better off buying already put together stuff!

ditchingthedog said...

There was a time when I did not mind putting furniture together but now I have no patience. Now I just go to the antique stores and buy something solid and already together. It usually works out cheaper as well.

Adam said...

they don't have one anywhere real close to me. Am I lucky?

Francie M said...

hahahaha! Good for you! That's why you have a job, eh? So you can pay other people to do things for you! (That's what I used to tell myself) So when do we get a virtual tour of the new abode??? :) And thanks for the right hand/left hand comments. It helped. I really am so discombobulated by it still. Like another person inside I'm ignoring. jeesh.

Michael D'Agostino said...

I love using allen keys. It's one of my quirkier traits.

Insomniac’s Attic said...

Were you yelling 'START THE CAR!! START THE CAR!!!' as you exited the store?

Kay G. said...

I hope to make it to Ikea one day but since it is in downtown Atlanta, it is not very likely. I hate to drive in that traffic!!
(I am such an old woman now!)

Funny cartoons.

Jeanne said...

I have yet to go to IKEA. Yes, I know.... So behind the times!
Haven't needed anything. I have looked at the website if that counts. :o)
My daughter orders online and has it delivered but then she puts it together herself. Or attempts to and then calls Dad (Hubby) to come finish (fix) it. LOL

Kestril Trueseeker said...

Ha! My daughter's bedroom is an Ikea showroom. I enjoyed getting the meatball platters for lunch while I shopped.

Mary said...

I have never been to an Ikea store. But i have heard they're planet sized. lol

Fundy Blue said...

Very funny, Debra! We had an IKEA Superstore open here some years ago, but I have never gone to it. I had no idea IKEA would put things together at your home! I'd pay for that gladly. But now we're into downsizing at our place! I really enjoyed the Van Gogh post. Don McLean's song is a classic and a long time favorite of mine. And Van Gogh's "Starry Night" is one of my tops favorites in the art world. Some of our most creative people fall outside what people consider normal today. Have a great week!

G. B. Miller said...

I went to IKEA once.

Once.

Father Nature's Corner

A Beer For The Shower said...

I've never actually been inside of an IKEA. Maybe that's why my marriage is so strong? I hear that place can tear apart relationships in mere minutes.

Joy Christi said...

Those are awesome! We've been lost in IKEA so many times. We usually go for ONE item, spent so much time trying to find it, then find a bathroom for me or one of the kids, that before we even make a decision we're aggravated and ready to leave. That must be why they have a bar in the middle of the restaurant, the place that sells meatballs. I'm assuming it's also a bar, right? It should be.
You can't beat those prices, but if you factor in the cost of bandages, repairing all the walls dented by throwing tools, booze and liver damage? It's not all that cheap!

Riot Kitty said...

Have you ever seen the cartoon with the priest who orders the crucifix from IKEA? My dad sent it to me and he's a former minister, so I didn't feel so guilty when I howled with laughter.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Yes, Riot Kitty, I've seen that one and you know, I even saved it for this post but then forgot to include it . . . d'oh! I'll hang on to it now for a future post of Jesus LOLs instead.

Linda said...

Hi Debra.....
I feel your pain!
Luckily....my son is an IKEA furniture puter together expert!
I had a bunch of stuff delivered....
He put it together....but....never try and help!
That is when things get ugly!
Enjoy your week...
Cheers!
Linda :o)

Veronica Roth said...

So you know what? Robert Chloe and I, very rarely but still once in a blue moon, make a trip out there, but then spend most of our time pushing each other and riding around the isles of the self serve area on those little carts. Then the employees have a nice time thinking we're nuts and watching us on the close circuit tv. :D

Jane and Lance Hattatt said...

Hello Debra,

Believe it or not we have only recently discovered IKEA, but then, knowing us one can easily imagine that it is a good decade or two before we come across anything which others have long since abandoned to history. In that way, we can always guarantee a retro look to our home furnishings!

We were taken to IKEA by a friend who insisted that we have lunch there. This seemed a dangerous activity, in the least, but we have to say that we were very pleasantly surprised. The salad was fresh and tasted delicious. the drinks looked alarmingly coloured but refills were free....so what is not to like? As for buying furniture though......

We have discovered you, we are sure, like IKEA, many decades after everyone else in the know has done. Such lively and interesting posts, cleverly and amusingly illustrated. Where you lead, we follow!

knitwit said...

Solid anything--hee hee. I once transformed an IKEA computer desk into a play kitchen for my youngest. When I cut into the top to make the sink, I found that the first 1/2" was some kind of plywood/composite material, and beyond that it was just corrugated cardboard. That thing held up hundreds of dollars worth of desktop computer for years!
Thanks for the giggle. I'm not much of an active blogger (or commenter) these days, but I'm still checking in!

Optimistic Existentialist said...

I have never been to IKEA but I hear it's akin to the zombie apocalypse :)

CraveCute said...

Ha! I know exactly what you mean! I had been looking for a cabinet at estate sales for years, but never found one so we went to IKEA...
My brother inlaw and I spent two days putting together a storage cabinet for my office. My hubby got sick of it after an hour and wandered off! Never again!

Jim said...

LOL! Ikea hightailed it outta here years ago! who knows?

The Happy Whisk said...

That's pretty good. I just changed the title to that, thanks. You always come up with great titles and names.

Dr. Theda said...

Things "not so good" here at home.... we wish you and yours Happiness and the best in life.....Stacey

LL Cool Joe said...

Oh come on, the best part of Ikea furniture is struggling to get it in the car and putting the stuff together!