Monday, 13 March 2017

Help, I'm Being Blackmailed!



Taking her cue from Monty Python's infamous skit, Leeanna Henderson of Can We Have a New Witch, Ours Melted has now started up her own BLACKMAILING home business. To cite one of her recent posts, "Yeah, just wave the pretty shiny things and the paper money and I'll take those incriminating pictures off my blog."

Ha ha, pretty funny, right? But then, just a couple of days later, this photo shows up in my email with a demand for HUSH MONEY! "Where's my check?" Leeanna wrote menacingly. I was so rattled, I didn't even correct her appalling American misspelling of the word cheque. And then, clearly upping the pressure, she repeated her evil demand in the comments on my last post!


OMG, she's accusing me of seducing STRAIGHT WOMEN! Unless I pay her BIGGA BIGGA BUCKS, she's going to put my REAL name on that photo instead of the pseudonym "Gloria" (*nervous laughter*)

I have, of course, retained legal counsel to fight this. THE BEST LAWYER MONEY CAN BUY! My attorney Bill Clinton has issued this official statement on my behalf:

"Debra She Who Seeks categorically states that
she did not have sexual relations with that woman!"

He'll settle your goddamn hash, Leeanna! You picked the WRONG LESBO to blackmail, you bloodsucker!


36 comments:

Mark said...

I believe in you Debra. You may have picked the wrong Clinton though. Hilary is the lawyer, not Bill.

Ol'Buzzard said...

Will it ever stop?
Leeann has threatened to post naked pictures of me on her blog unless all her readers each send her five dollars.
Really it is worth it. You don't want to see me naked. Send her five dollars.
(My wife has refused to take the pictures; but I am doing the best I can with selfies.)
the Ol'Buzzard

DEZMOND said...

that tart Gloria really has always looked suspicious to me!

Adam said...

I've seen that one before, I liked the pun

Magaly Guerrero said...

I want to believe you, Debra, but Gloria looks like she's done. Have you considered contacting HRH, in the beyond, to see if she'll defend you?

Miss Val's Creations said...

Too funny! I love the clip.

jaz@octoberfarm said...

i will never look at spaghetti the same way again. now i know why its so seductive.

Lisa said...

Why is it that your posts always leave me laughing out loud and shaking my head? This one is exceptional.

Marie Smith said...

Lol. Always funny, today, hilarious!

Leeanna Henderson said...

BWAAAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAAAA! *cough cough*sorry*

anne marie in philly said...

hee hee hee! one of my all-time FAVE MP clips!

e said...

Ok, sister. You've got to return that toaster oven if you are claiming that you never turned a straight girl. Pshaw! What kind of lesbian are you! It's in the handbook, for crying out loud!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

@ e -- Shhhh! That's just between us lesbos. Officially, Lesbian Nation does NOT recruit!

Linda deV said...

Whahahahaha!!!! Laughed til I peed (ah, shit! Revealing my age again).

Off to do my kagels....you rascal you.

Toni said...

How much is she demanding? For half the price, I will be your alibi. I'll tell them you were with me and we were just smoking the...uh...bees!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Crap. The next step is impeachment, Deb. Try this line: "Well that depends. How do you define sex?"

Susan said...

O.M.G.

Jim said...

Seems pretty cut and dry to me, Debra! You may have a battle on your hands here.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

@ Toni -- A true entrepreneur always recognizes an opportunity! Half the blackmail price, eh? I'll have to consider it, unless someone else wants to be my alibi for a quarter! (No, not a quarter of the blackmail price. Just 25 cents. That's all I have.)

@ Jim -- I may have to go on Kickstarter to raise the blackmail money, but shhhh, that's just between you and me.

bill lisleman said...

great skit - I don't remember that one.
About that blackmail you received - how often do you cook spaghetti?

Debra She Who Seeks said...

@ bill lisleman -- You only need to cook spaghetti once, if you do it right.

Willym said...

Limp spaghetti is always a possibility as you get older... oh sorry it was an analogy.

Plowing Through Life (Martha) said...

I dunno, Debra. These days with all the alternative facts and such things, you better have some very good counsel :)

Kay G. said...

Your attorney Bill Clinton...wow, Debra you must be RICH!

Guillaume said...

If you're a straight woman, I am "pédé comme un phoque" as the French say.

Anne Johnson said...

I'm surprised she doesn't want bitcoins.

strangelynaked.com said...

A crossover post!?! Awesome. If you needed legal council, I don't know why you didn't ask me, I'm getting sued for libel all the time. I could have recommended better council than ol' spunky dress.

HBF said...

Oh my goodness, the spaghetti pic! Ha!

lgsquirrel said...

Wait a minute......I thought Puss in Boots is a heterosexual male of the Don Juan variety. I get so confused.......

Missy George said...

Love that skit...and the spaghetti picture..Bill Clinton ?? I guess he has a little time now ;)

Debi said...

Wow! What have I missed? I decide to join the real? World and one of you are talking to imaginary bearded writers and the other is taking cooking classes! What happen to calligraphy? I'm going back to bed! 🙈💕🇨🇦

Melancholy and Menace said...

Ha! This is too funny. I really love the spaghetti statement and simply must pass this on. ♥

Magic Love Crow said...

I can't stop laughing! LOL! I will never look at spaghetti the same way again! LOL!

JACKIESUE said...

I love seeing her show up on your blog..hahah

The Captain said...

Call her bluff. Never give in!

Fundy Blue said...

Nothing like a good laugh this St. Patrick's Day morning! Have a good one!