HELLO, my many FANS and MINIONS. It is I,
HER ROYAL HIGHNESS THE CAT
bearing STUPENDOUS NEWS of GREAT IMPORT!
I have JUST WON the
VALENTINES DAY HATEFEST
POETRY CONTEST
held annually by Rawknrobyn of Life by Chocolate blog.
My winning
IMMORTAL POEM OF GENIUS
reads as follows --
Dedicated to all the many tomcats out there
who broke my heart over the years:
"This is for you
Without paradox --
A heart-shaped poop
In my litterbox."
ISN'T THAT GREAT?????
NO WONDER I WON!!!!!
My human, Debra She Who Seeks, also
entered an UNSUCCESSFUL poem in the contest
which (did I mention?) SHE LOST TO ME
but since I'm feeling
MAGNANIMOUSLY GRACIOUS
IN MY WELL-DESERVED VICTORY
I am including it here for your
PITYING PERUSAL.
Her PATHETIC ATTEMPT reads as follows --
"At least I have not quit.
I still have a chance.
At least I have not hit
The rock bottom of romance.
At least I'm not a total shit
Like couch fucker JD Vance!"
MY NEXT TRIUMPH will undoubtedly be
a LIFE APPOINTMENT to the PRESTIGIOUS POSITION of
POET LAUREATE OF THE WORLD!
In the meantime, please now feel free to
SHOWER ME WITH PRAISE AND ADMIRATION
in the Comments section.
I humbly thank you.
Lol. Great poem. One for the ages!
ReplyDelete...what a way with words!
ReplyDeleteYes, you made me laugh this morning! Well done!
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laughs this morning Debra.
Haha.. that was fun!
ReplyDeleteThe two of you are a poetic dream!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, Your Royal Highness. I admit I like Debra's entry a lot. It's always a joy to make fun of the couch fucker. I'd like to know how Usha got pregnant.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
@ Janie Junebug -- She dressed up as a cushion.
Delete🤔 Or...poor Usha, poor tired Usha, needed to rest on the sofa too soon after JD's latest upholstered infidelity. 🥺
Delete"She dressed up as a cushion" You won the internet today for that, Debra, even though you did not win the poetry contest. Serious laugh out loud material. And props to Janie Junebug for the question.
DeleteAbsolutely well deserved.
ReplyDeleteNo notes.
XOXO
Cats rule!
ReplyDeleteAnd now amongst all of your other amazing attributes you may list Prize Winning Poet. Richly deserved.
ReplyDeleteI must admit that I like yours just as well. Absolutely no disrespect to HRH.
ReplyDelete@ whkattk -- Clearly, sir, you have NO LITERARY TASTE. Despite having the word "KATT" as part of your name. YOU DISAPPOINT ME.
DeleteMr. Minister is obviously dreaming to have a place on the wall....
ReplyDeleteHa-ha-ha 🤣
Well my dear friend. Your artistic attributes just keep growing. Here are the showers of praises and admiration. Wish I had some emojis. LOL have the best day today.
ReplyDelete@ DVArtist -- Thank you! But of course, it was not MY win, but HRH's. I feel the need to draw that line firmly, lest people think that she and I are one and the same, Goddess forbid.
Delete@ DVArtist -- DAMN RIGHT, IT'S MY WIN AND MINE ALONE!
ReplyDelete@Her Royal Highness, 🐾🎉 OH. MY. MEOW! Paws down, this is the most claw‑some achievement in poetic history! You just purred their way straight into the literary hall of fame — whiskers quivering with artistic genius! We're talking purrseverance, pawsitively flawless rhythm, and enough cat‑itude to make T.S. Eliot roll over in his litter box. Break out the catnip champagne and tuna tartare — it’s time to purr‑ty! 🏆🐈💫
ReplyDelete@ Spellucci -- THANK YOU, o worthy minion, for RECOGNIZING and CELEBRATING my genius APPROPRIATELY! On the day I FINALLY DITCH my loser of a human, Debra She Who Seeks, I will come AND LIVE WITH YOU! I SWEAR IT!!!
Delete@ Spellucci -- If I were you, I'd consider moving and leaving no forwarding address. You do NOT want HRH to find you.
ReplyDeleteAll Hail HRH! HAZZAH!
ReplyDeleteLol. Thanks, I needed a good laugh. Great poems. Congrats!
ReplyDeleteHRH, you are so incredibly talented! Your poem rings with veracity and grit, not just the grit of the litter but the grit of poetic endeavour. Well done, justly earned, Poet Laureate of the World!
ReplyDeleteNice try, Debra. I'm sorry but you had no chance.
@ e -- Yes, TRUE GRIT, that is what I am ALL about! I approve your words of praise.
DeleteEver the gracious winner, eh? But then, HRH, you have always been good at producing shit!
ReplyDelete@ Tundra Bunny -- We all have our TALENTS, Rabeet. And yes, I am ALWAYS GRACIOUS, I know.
DeleteYes, HRH's poem is a winner!
ReplyDeleteThat's great.
ReplyDeleteThat was great, thanks for the laugh!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to you both on your wordsmithery. 🏆
ReplyDeleteLOL Debra. Thank you so much for the laughs.
ReplyDeleteThe absolutely best Poem ever!
ReplyDeleteHRH, time to get your own blog and dump this human stone around your neck.
ReplyDelete@ Mike -- You are SO right. I could not POSSIBLY agree MORE.
DeleteTennyson couldn't have done better.
ReplyDelete@ Kirk -- No, he COULDN'T have done better because Tennyson was ONLY Poet Laureate of the United Kingdom, whereas I am POET LAUREATE OF THE WORLD! Tennyson wasn't FIT TO SHINE MY SHOES, if I wore shoes, that is. Of course, I don't because I'M A CAT!
Delete@ Her Royal Highness -- Okay, kitty, that's enough catnip for you, you're starting to get even more worked up than usual. Time for beddy-bye now.
ReplyDeleteAll hail Her Royal Highness, clearly a poet of devastating precision, triumphing with regal wit and impeccable litter-box timing.
ReplyDeleteROFL!!! Nobel laureate in the making, I see!
ReplyDeleteCrazy poem as expected from cat highness 😇
ReplyDelete