Guard Duty

My dad always swore up, down and sideways that he was not drunk when he got his tattoos. He got four of them -- two on each forearm. That was the place where servicemen commonly got their tattoos, so the tats could be displayed when their sleeves were rolled up.

Unfortunately, Dad made the mistake of getting all four tattoos done at once. As a result, his arms were so excruciatingly sore afterwards that he could scarcely hold up his gun while on guard duty. But he dared not report to sick bay because the army classified tattoos as self-inflicted wounds -- a court martial offence.

So he held up his gun for hours, paying a painful price for over-enthusiastic tattooing.