On my "Ask Me Anything" post, I received three questions -- or should I perhaps say queeries? -- which relate to my life as a lesbian. Here are the gripping answers!
Heartinhand of Heart in Hand asks: "When you came out, was the news well received by your family or do you wish they'd have handled it differently?"
I came out 30 years ago in the mid-1980s. Coming out was a bit more shocking to people in those days than it is now. I was very fortunate that my parents proved to be real troopers about it. There were some initial difficulties but all in all, things went pretty well. My Mom had suspected for years but my completely oblivious Dad was quite taken aback. However, they both adjusted relatively quickly and always treated my girlfriends well. My sister was basically estranged from me for about a year before she came to terms with my coming out. This surprised me because she was young and had lots of gay friends. I figured she'd be the coolest with it, but she wasn't. However, as she explained, "It's one thing when your friends are gay but it's another thing entirely when it's your OWN SISTER!"
Once everyone got used to the idea and realized I was, of course, still the same person I'd always been, we all became thick as thieves again and have remained so!
G.B. Miller of Father Nature's Corner inquired: "Since you feel so strongly about marriage (notice I didn't add the "G" word, 'cause you know if you want to make something more palatable for the masses you should not specify the difference between the two), when do you plan taking the plunge?"
Here's the unvarnished truth, G.B. I'm not married because, as Lady Gaga sings in one of her songs, "I'm a free bitch, baby!" Yes, I spent years doing my bit to help achieve same-sex marriage rights in Canada, but I only did so in order to piss off all the homophobic haters and to destroy western civilization as we know it. Mission accomplished, yay!
Rawknrobyn of Life by Chocolate - Robyn Alana Engel's Blog wanted to know: "What three things/factors turn you on?"
The three B's, baby -- booty, boobs and butches. That wasn't too crude, was it?
you are lucky to have a supportive family; many of my boyfriends do not.
ReplyDeleteMy dad was born in 1950 and he's told me a few stories of what it was like to be a gay person in that time period. Things got especially bad when AIDS happened. I'm glad your parents weren't so bad with the idea and that your sister came around so quickly. My mum and her mum were estranged for years and I only met my maternal grandmother for the first time a few years ago.
ReplyDelete''to destroy Western civilization''... I'm all ears, sister, please tell us more about this plot :)
ReplyDeleteYeah, coming out 30 years ago must have been relatively difficult in comparison to today. I remember when my brother-in-law came out 15 years ago and he was so afraid that he soft-peddled it by saying he "might be bi." He's married to a great guy today, no bi anywhere to be seen. So, I can only imagine what 30 years ago it was like.
ReplyDeleteI love your explanation of being single, but now I have Lady Gaga stuck in my head. Well, it could be worse.
"Yes, I spent years doing my bit to help achieve same-sex marriage rights in Canada, but I only did so in order to piss off all the homophobic haters and to destroy western civilization as we know it."
ReplyDeleteLove it. So badass.
How wonderful that your family was so supportive. I love that. I also love your rebel, troublemaking ways :)
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm with you on the first two B's...
ReplyDeleteThat's awesome that you came out so long ago. I know many who are still technically in the closet because of their family, even though by the time they DO acknowledge it everyone will be saying, "Trust me, we knew."
Aha! So you are the mastermind behind the plot to destroy civilization!
ReplyDeleteSometimes the hardest thing in life is just being true to our self. This difficulty is compounded when our self does not align with the norm...
ReplyDeleteI commend you for being true to your self as we all plod along trying to figure out what the hell this life is all about.
Bravo!
I'm glad your mission's been accomplished in Canada. Now you need to invade America, or at least Indiana.
ReplyDeleteWhen my niece came out to my "here to for, only semi religious" family, the holy shit hit the fan. I look back now and wonder how in the hell she my neice, even wanted to be related to the bozo's. My sis, her Mom, did the best swooning southern belle I have ever seen and my Mom was holding and patting her hand and fanning herself with the Bible. It was sickening and went on for years. My red headed step child branch of the family tree were the only folks that my niece had during those hard years.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the tip on the hair, I never knew that!
ReplyDeleteI never thought about how any decision like this would affect my family. For a few years after my divorce I dated women, I've always had an attraction to certain women, mostly the type of what you pictured here :) and I happened to meet some when I was single. Everyone but my father acted like "No shit" as I was always on the butch side. They were all much more shocked that I fell in love with a man and decided to get married again, after the disaster that was my first marriage to a horrible man. You can't help who you fall in love with, despite what conservative religious zealots want people to think. It's nice that most of your family was supportive, and eventually your sister came around.
I have worked with Equality charities for years, as a lot of my friends are gay and they're my favorite people. The world is crazy, people don't like change which is unfortunately the only way to progress as a society, and I'm so embarrassed for humanity a lot of the time. I mean, I make plenty of mistakes too, but I LEARN from them at least. Usually.
Great post, love the uns!
You were so lucky to have a family who was so supportive. My family never supported me in anything, and life was always a struggle.
ReplyDeleteMary
Turn on's; I can definitely relate to the first two.
ReplyDeletethe Ol'Buzzard
I don't understand why all women aren't gay: the sight of a naked man ain't pretty.
ReplyDeletethe Ol'Buzzard
i wish the only difference with others was their choice of sexuality. life would be so much easier. who gives a shit whom someone loves or is attracted to? i would gladly trade 2 of my ex-husbands for one really nice dyke! hell, i might throw the present one in on the deal too.
ReplyDeleteThe three B's... yeah, baby! Me too!
ReplyDeleteMy brother-in-law came out in the 80s too, after 20 years marriage. Was a difficult thing to do in the 1950s or 60s. I'm glad things are easier now for young and not-so-young people. My first boyfriend was gay! And he and I had great fun dating! Not a lot of action though. :) My husband's brother is married to his life partner Jim, but he never trusted them enough to tell them.
ReplyDeleteAs long as you are happy and safe, let the lovin begin! I am so in your corner, I am ringing the bell! :)
ReplyDeleteLove it!! Be happy..
ReplyDeleteHaha, you're clear on your turn-ons. Love this, and I love that your family is stronger than ever.
ReplyDeleteThanks for pointing me over, Debra. Have a great week.
.... western civilization ... !!!!!! YeeHaw!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear you family supported you when you came out. It's sad that haters have such an issue with it. It always makes me think that they question their own sexuality. That is a great sign that supporter is holding!
ReplyDeleteYou are such a Bad Ass!!
ReplyDeleteLol, Laughing st Jeannie's comment "you are the mastermind of destroying the western civilization" :)))
ReplyDeleteYou got a truly loving family.
A lady who knows what she likes!!
ReplyDeleteI never told my parents. They didn't ask and I didn't need their approval to live my life. After my mother died and my partner and I got married, we told my father (he was 95 at the time). He said that he watches 'Ellen' every day and that he understands.
Free is good :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the shout out and answering my question.
ReplyDelete"...destroy western civilization."
What, no destruction of eastern civilization?
I'm....just...so...crushed. All my dreams and aspirations that were channeled through my fav-o-rite blogger have been dashed to pieces.
Be the best you can be, because that's all we can truly ask for of someone because that is what we can ultimately achieve.
I would hope the world is moving towards acceptance of people for who they are and not who they sleep with.
ReplyDeleteThat sign made me laugh!
YOUR GAY? holyshit..I didn't have a clue..
ReplyDeleteI heard a few stories about similar experiences to that of your sister. Basically someone would come out to friends or family who were "cool about it" and then to find out they weren't so cool about it.
ReplyDeleteI hope there is a day in the world where no person will be "in the closet" at ANY point in their life.
Shit. I wore a bow in my hair in the middle at graduation. I obviously missed the memo.
ReplyDeleteSo *you* are the one that destroyed western civilization? And I thought it was cunt Christy Clark!
Alway a pleasure to visit. Have a blessed Easter. Hugs, Martha
ReplyDeleteInteresting post! I wish I could define what turns me on in 3 words. :D
ReplyDeleteDebra.......I think I have been in one closet or another for most of my life (O:(O:and I'm not even gay!
ReplyDeleteJo
Glad things got worked out with your sister. Funny that, how people take it to be upset when really, it's not their business.
ReplyDeleteOne of my most successful stand-up sets ever involved likening being Christian to being gay in that you feel persecuted and misunderstood for it. The best part was when I did an impression of having to come out to your parents as a Christian ;)
ReplyDeleteGreat post, but just one more question. What if I don't wear bows? :)
ReplyDeleteLOL, oy to your sister's initial reaction. It's funny when the people you least expect have the biggest issues. Glad it's all resolved now :)
ReplyDeleteI forgot to comment.
ReplyDeleteThanks for answering my question! I'm glad your family was cool. Xoxox
I find this quite fascinating.
ReplyDeleteI'm also glad that you willingly opened up to your parents so long ago, and that your sister eventually came around. It's very sad that so many people don't have a strong support group, and continue living in secret. I'm sure this will help a lot of people. Thanks for clearing up the bow situation, Debra!
ReplyDeleteJulie
Stupid people gonna stupid sometimes. But not everyone is stupid, thankfully. And sometimes, even stupid people stop being stupid. Or not. Either way, be who you are and be happy and spread your happy.
ReplyDeleteSecond on the left. Cute. And I'm not - but still - there's something very appealing about that one. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm really digging the outfit on the far right though. *** Runs to closet to look for white short-sleeved tee, black long-sleeved tee and black beret *** Being married to a biker you'd think there'd be some bloody bike chains around here somewhere, wouldn't ya?
I know what you mean about the marriage thing.
ReplyDeleteNow that marriage is pretty well destroyed, I can spend my time making money by suing bakers who refuse to make me a cake.
It's a great situation we've got going here, really.
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself! I've never understood why it's so hard for people to just accept other people for themselves instead of define them through whom they love or are attracted to.
ReplyDeleteThough I am with a wonderful man now, I believe the greatest love of my life was my red headed beauty when I was 19-21. My mother said I was just confused. The whole family loved her though and they called her Sarahs Twin.
I am so happy your family didn't turn away ;o) You are so cute! The three B's ;o) LOL!
ReplyDelete