HRH's Christmas Message

Greetings, my poor, downcast minions!

Yes, rejoice, for it is I, 

HER ROYAL HIGHNESS THE CAT

gracing you with my presence once again.

Every Christmas morning, my cousin Betty Windsor

(you know, "the other HRH")

gives a televised message to inspire her

inexplicably devoted subjects.

Well, if cousin Betty can make the effort,

I guess I can too.

Hell, even my other royal cousin,

The Black Panther,

(King T'Challa of Wakanda)

makes an effort to have fun

at this time of year and

they don't even celebrate

Christmas there!

So, because all of you are effin' miserable right now,

I am determined to set a good example

this Christmas to cheer you up.

Here goes nuttin' --

If that last one

didn't cheer you up,

you're beyond hope

and to hell with you!

. . . err, um, sorry . . .

Man, I don't know how

cousin Betty does it,

that relentless cheerfulness,

year in, year out.

NO! NO!

I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE!

I GOTTA BE ME!

And may the Cat Goddess Bast 

bless you all this holy season.

Thank you and good day.