Well, technically I performed all my bodily functions outdoors until I was about 7 years old because my family did not have indoor plumbing until then. We had an outhouse in the back yard, as did everyone on our side of the railroad tracks. The Canadian Pacific Railway would not allow the town to extend municipal waterworks across their property and there was no way to legally force them. Eventually, my father made enough money to put in a private septic system for our house and at that point, my era of indoor peeing and pooping began.
One of the many reasons I despise camping so much is the possibility of having to go to the bathroom without even the luxury of an outhouse or other bathroom facilities, however rustic. I am proud to say that I have never truly pooped outdoors in the wild like a goddamn animal.
I have, however, peed outdoors in the wild. But I seem to be incapable of doing it without peeing all over myself. Whatever the trick is to doing it right, I just cannot seem to master it. So that's why one of my most treasured possessions in this world is a Universal Unisex Portable Urinal. Basically, it's a male pee jug with an attachable female crotch cup so a woman can pee into the bottle standing up.
This handy device has saved my life on more than one occasion when forced to engage in such outdoorsy activities as * shudder * canoe trips, etc.
And dear Pickleope, that is all I'm telling you. Oh, except that this final LOL is especially for you because I know you'll get a kick out it --
Like a goddamn animal ... hahaha!
ReplyDeleteThat last one is both Hilarious And Disgusting.
Oh my, this reminds me of the old days of outhouses and camping. LOL!!!
ReplyDeleteMary
This is without a doubt going to be the most captivating - and entertaining - blog post of the day! And I've used an outhouse when I was a kid when we visited relatives in Greece. It was an 'interesting' experience (to say the least) that I should write about sometime.
ReplyDeleteInoformative. But alas, these images will be forever fixed in my mind when I visit this bloggy place of yours. Just so you know ;)
ReplyDeleteI'd like to deny that the last part (and the rest of this post) made me chuckle, but I'd be a liar, a juvenile, infantile liar. I forgot that I asked it, but I'd damn glad I did. Everyone has a story about having to defecate or urinate outdoors, but I could not imagine that yours included your entire early childhood and a strange jug with an attachment. That pee jug doesn't look big enough to contain an entire pee session. I'd rather not have the danger of overflow.
ReplyDeleteThank you for answering.
I'm kind of laughing to myself, I used to do a lot of camping when I was a teen and this sometimes resulted in me just using a hole in the ground. Usually it was a hole with a biffy (or outhouse) over it, occasionally not.
ReplyDeletepeed but never pooped in the woods with no facility nearby (not whilst camping).
ReplyDeletehave never used an outhouse either; closest I've come is a porta-potty and those things are FOUL!
You can always count on pickleope to come up with a good question!
ReplyDeleteI've heard of the She-Wee and other such devices that allow women to pee everywhere. I hadn't heard of someone actually using one. My house had an outdoor bathroom when I was younger but thankfully we also had an indoor one. Kinda miss the outdoor one though. It was handy when living in a full house.
ReplyDeleteas a kid I pooped once behind somebody's car and he saw me and thought me was stealing it... oh, how scared poor lil' pooping me was....
ReplyDeleteThat's a disturbing image for a product and I hope I never have to meet the person who invented it :P
ReplyDeleteLove this post! :o)
ReplyDeleteI applaud Pickleope for having the gumption to ask such a personal question. Something I know some of my readers are wanting to (or maybe not) ask about with our tipi living.
My mom grew up w/o indoor plumbing and she despised camping for the very same reason as you!
All the reasons why I didn't like camping. I love being outdoors, but, oh my ... what to do when you have to gooooooooo!
ReplyDeleteHahahaha, that sign is flipin' funny. I just read it to Frankenberry. Good stuff, Deb.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the Monday Fun Day.
lol,, !!!!!
ReplyDeletethat last bit made my stomach kind of turn lol,,,,,
I was once on a campsite with a pit toilet. I was never so glad to get back to civilization. We too had an outhouse (at my grandparents' farm), and what I chiefly remember is that large stinging insects, wasps especially, seemed to like hanging out in there. Granddad didn't dig a septic system until 1972, and against many protests, my uncle tore down the outhouse in 1987. We protested because using an outhouse was one way to conserve water. Sure enough, the property started having water table problems in the 1990s, which meant only flushing the toilet inside once a day. Now THAT was gross.
ReplyDeleteWell.......im so glad we had this conversation today. * goes back to drinking lemonade *
ReplyDeleteI laughed just as hard as I cringed at that last pic...
ReplyDeleteI've never had to poop outside either. The campsites we visit always have outhouses. My biggest fear? Inadvertently using poison ivy toilet paper.
OMG! I can't pee outside either. I always pee on my foot. Love camping, but must admit to frequenting campgrounds with flush toilets... And showers.
ReplyDeleteYup, grew up without an indoor outhouse myself, and until about the same age as well. Our 'shower' was a pipe in the basement...
ReplyDeleteWhen the folks bought a house with working bathrooms their water bill must have been tremendous; I bathed at least twice a day in the huge old clawfoot tub. That's outwith flushing the toilet repeatedly, just because I could. As for peeing outside... Well, I had four older brothers constantly pushing me to reach new heights of stupidity, 'nuff said.
You want to try peeing in some country toilets in Italy and also China, especially when wearing tights - there is just a round hole in the ground.
ReplyDeleteYour hillbilly roots run deep. I love camping just because of the great sleeps and great poops that you can have. I don't know what it is but I understand why the bears love it so much now.
ReplyDeletei am sure we have all sharted ourselves at least once?!
ReplyDeletehahaha...I think this is one of those "too much information" times.
ReplyDeleteTee hee - I pee outside at least once a day. It is impossible to get through a 5 mile hike without doing so. However, a little Kleenex and a plastic bag to put it in save me from having to carry a urinal. Good post - I enjoyed it. But what a question to ask!
ReplyDeleteLOL! Like you I have peed in the wild outdoors, but not pooped without a seat. The urinal thing is hysterical. I didn't know such a thing existed but it reminds me of a device one of the inmates came up with on Orange is The New Black to avoid the nasty seat.
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother told me of how her public school house back in the hills didn't have an outhouse but instead had a shovel that the kids would take out in the nearby wooded area and dig a hole. Talk about a back to the earth movement so to speak. I didn't think to ask about toilet paper but I suspect that something else was used.
ReplyDeleteLOL! You'd be shocked to see all the "Female Urination Devices" available on Amazon.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Rosemary, you haven't hated a public restroom as much as you will until you visit Asia and try NOT to pee all over your pants when you squat! In that case, being outdoors may have been better!
The things we learn reading a blog. And I was afraid my question was too personal and a tad crass.
ReplyDeleteAHAHAHAAHAHAAAA!! Pickleope. I love it.
ReplyDeleteWow.. look at that Jug!!
ReplyDeleteHahaha I was so laughing at this and my husband asked me if I 'm reading a blog about poop after seeing the picture. I said yes, about pooping and peeing outside :))))
ReplyDeleteI didn't know there's a portable urinal like that. I just know about disposable toilet seat covers.
P.S. I would think the urinal as another type of springkler can used to water plants :)))
ReplyDeleteLeave it to Pickleope Von Pickleope to ask the burning questions we've all been wondering but were afraid to ask. You're a very resourceful woman, Deb. It's a good invention to know about, if not purchase.
ReplyDeleteBwa-ha-ha! Oh gods that sign is priceless!
ReplyDeleteThe olden days where people ate inside and went to the bathroom outside.
ReplyDeleteI have peed all over my legs my pants and my shoes outdoors..never pooped outside except in an outhouse..you have some strange friends
ReplyDeleteMy only outhouse adventure included a fat,black spider who dropped from the ceiling - I nearly died.
ReplyDeleteI would rather shit in the middle of the highway then use an outhouse. That is some messed up shit. That said, when I was in Girl Guides we used an outhouse and always threw a scoop of dirt down after. It was so clean and un-smelly.
ReplyDeleteThis was hilarious! I will never look at Milk Duds the same way again! The Universal Unisex Portable Urinal is a wonderful invention. It's perfect for the gal on the go!
ReplyDeleteJulie
Gorgeous outhouse..I'd be proud to use that..I can't imagine asking anyone that question..Gees
ReplyDeleteWhen we lived in Alaska it was one hundred and fifty miles on dirt road into the Indian village where we taught school and in the winter the trip sometimes took four hours or more and we always stopped at the half way mark to pee. My wife had one of the female pee cups with a little spout so she would not have to drop her pants at forty below. It was a learning curve for her; she had to learn things that most five year old boys already know; like you don't pee into the wind.
ReplyDeletethe Ol'Buzzard
When we are camping, my husband pitches a fit if I use the camper toilet for pooping. I tell him that is the only reason I can camp is because I have my own toilet!
ReplyDeleteI haven't squatted to pee outside since I was in high school. I bet I could still do it. (Although I'd be hard pressed to get up from a squat.)
Ah, memories...
ReplyDeletehttp://bit.ly/19POS2m
Also, if I apologize if I just submitted like 12 or so identical comments. I don't quite remember how Blogger works.
But I'm happy to be back.
-Sweeney J. (Evn)
I used an outhouse on a primitive camping weekend and used an outhouse. The only scary part was the possibility of being attacked by a bear while doing my business.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of that universal portable urinal :) ...
ReplyDeleteI have never used that she-pee thing, totally creeps me out. I am a squatter lol
ReplyDeleteDid you ever think that you would be revealing this, Debra! Oh what we will do for our followers!
ReplyDeleteI can't even go near an outhouse and I don't care how clean it is.....I can only hold my breath for so long!!
Neat little contraption for women to use....and makes a lot of sense.
A good way to keep unwanted critters off your property, pee in those areas. It works, trust me!
Ha ha ha this post was hilarious... and the very last part... omg :o
ReplyDeleteI both peed and pooped in the woods at some point in my life... pooping is a bit more tricky though.. lol
Nice to meet you btw. I'm glad I found your blog. :)