Hello, my faithful fans and minions.
HER ROYAL HIGHNESS THE CAT
here once again with you.
Every year, Rawknrobyn of
holds an Anti-Valentines Day Love/Hate Poetry Contest.
I MYSELF won this contest in 2018
with the following POEM OF GENIUS --
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Toms pretend to be Super Cat
But are really Pepe le Pew.
Ever since my VICTORY,
my JEALOUS, NO-TALENT HUMAN
has been ENVIOUS of my SUCCESS.
So this year she entered
the Poetry Contest HERSELF
and against all odds, WON IT
with this DREADFUL piece
of LEWD DOGGEREL --
A nip and tuck
Improves romantic luck
Helps you find a cute guy in a truck
And finally get that . . .
[Oops, word limit reached]
But THAT'S NOT the WORST OF IT!
In order to win the contest, my
EVIL MACHIAVELLIAN HUMAN
CREATED and RIGGED an
ILLEGAL and FRAUDULENT
VOTING SYSTEM!
THIS CANNOT STAND!
I call on you ALL to JOIN ME
to OVERTHROW this
TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE!
(Just let me put on my
WAR PAINT and DISGUISE first, okay?)
JOIN ME, FELLOW POET PATRIOTS!
Also, HANG MIKE PENCE!
He didn't have anything to do
with this, I know, but I've
always hated that jerk.
You know times are bad when a rigged voter system and even Debs is accused of rigging an election!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAre you sure about this HRH? Debs is so sweet innocent and funny?
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Serious congratulations you clever girl you :-)
ReplyDeleteI love your lewd doggerel, and I also loved this:
ReplyDeleteAlso, HANG MIKE PENCE!
He didn't have anything to do
with this, I know, but I've
always hated that jerk.
A cat of firm opinion, I see.
ReplyDeleteROTFL... I was in danger of losing some good tea while giggling at this.
ReplyDeleteLol. I am suspicious of all voting now…not!
ReplyDelete@ Mistress Maddie -- SWEET, INNOCENT and FUNNY? What PLANET are you living on? My human is NOTHING OF THE SORT! She has simply pulled your WIG over your EYES!
ReplyDeleteLock her up! Lock her up!
ReplyDelete@ Moving with Mitchell -- Et tu, Mitchell?
ReplyDeleteI know all about lewd but I had to lookup doggerel.
ReplyDelete@ Mike -- An English professor I know at Princeton University once told me that my poetry was doggerel and I have proudly used that label ever since!
ReplyDeletePoor HRH. If you feel cheated by Debra's winning doggerel, then you probably won't like my poem either...
ReplyDeleteThere once was a cat who thought herself royal
Til the day she discovered cannabis oil.
She slurped and she burped
And slid off her stool
Now Her Highness is just a hot-tubbing fool.
Don't worry though, I'm sure your war paint and shaman disguise will be welcomed by any alt-right trucker protesters left in Ottawa!
@ Tundra Bunny -- My LAWYERS shall be in touch. Good day, Madame. I said GOOD DAY.
ReplyDeleteHahaha
ReplyDeleteOh, an anti-Valentines Day love/hate poetry contest?
Yes!
XOXO
P.S. Hang Mike Pence! LMAOOO
I had to look up doggerel too lol!
ReplyDeleteI wonder why it's not called catteral.
ReplyDeleteBravo, Tundra! Bravo!
ReplyDeleteLook, HRH, I've been cordial and respectful long enough. But I must defend myself and my blog, and your human against your narcissistic venom. Sweetheart, you liked my book, for which I'm most grateful. Hang Mike Pence! But pussy, this time you've gone too far with all of your dogma. Just because you don't like a good *bleep*, pussy, in a truck by a cute guy once in a while, doesn't deflate the invaluable and victorious love-hatefest contribution on your human's part. Be gracious and of good cheer. You're both winners. Good day.
cat picture - good, that idiot QAnon rioter picture - awful. I don't see anything good in showing that idiot.
ReplyDelete@ Joanne Noragon -- Bad poetry is called "doggerel" because all dogs are BAD. If the word were "catteral," it would mean poetry that is the BEST of the BEST -- you know, like catteral by WILLIAM SHAKESPURR.
ReplyDelete@ Bill Lisleman -- Alas, HRH does not always exercise the best or most prudent of judgments. Her choice of disguise is unfortunate indeed, but it does explain a lot, doesn't it? Hmmmmm.
ReplyDelete@ Rawknrobyn -- NARCISSISTIC VENOM!?!? Oh, how you WOUND me! And you're one of my favourite authors too -- how your criticism STINGS! Well, if you MUST like my human's poem, OKAY, but we'll have to AGREE to DISAGREE. But I'm gratified to learn that at least we DO agree on one key, crucial point. HANG MIKE PENCE!
ReplyDeleteI do whatever HRH commands (I’m just a little afraid of her).
ReplyDeleteYou are so wise, HRH. And write such exquisite poetry, you should be HRH, Poet on call, by appointment to HM The Queen.
ReplyDeletei agree with first one and i agree without any condition to be princess ,any side i will be given i would love my job as well :)
ReplyDeletehugs and blessings and happy valentines day dear Debra
My cats Zen poetry:
ReplyDeleteMeu
the Ol'Buzzard
@ Liz Hinds -- I agree! Unfortunately HM the Queen (my cousin Betty Windsor) HATES MY GUTS so that appointment will never happen. And because I'm a CANADIAN kitty, I can never become POET LAUREATE of BRITAIN either. Your loss. Enjoy your poor old Simon Armitage instead.
ReplyDeleteJealousy is a terrible thing, Your Highness the Cat. Remember you're better than that.
ReplyDeleteEven that cat is a critic! Get her some fish and pay her off to calm down!
ReplyDeleteYou go girl. How dare she steals your thunder.
ReplyDeleteThey say the Rams won the Super Bowl, but Arizona is doing an audit of the results
ReplyDeleteRoses are red
ReplyDeleteChocolates are brown
You ain't getting neither
so calm the ... down.
If the so called Democrats rigged the election here in the United States we would have one payer medical system, solar cars, clean water and no fox news.
ReplyDeleteCoffee is on and stay safe
Pence deserves all the rope it takes.
ReplyDeleteDear HRH, I feel your pain, but I couldn't possibly think badly of your loyal mistress. Mind you if you gave me chocolate I would join you in your quest!!
ReplyDeleteYRH, the Muses have smiled on both you and your human.
ReplyDeleteAs for Mike Pence, well, your opinion gave me a tremendous guffaw. I've always hated that jerk, too.
The mewses have certainly inspired both of you, HRH and Debra. My little Tigritsa is just a Princess. She talks to me constantly but in paragraphs not poetry.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh. You two are cracking me up! MEOW!
ReplyDeleteCats have attitude.
ReplyDeleteLove your post. So true on all counts. Made my day. I am right there with you on all counts.
ReplyDeleteCat
HRH, HANG MIKE PENCE!
ReplyDeleteOk. What is up with that guy. I don't think he earned his shaman horns. I will not judge. He doesn't seem real to me.
ReplyDeleteHe is just another guy. To be a shaman, you have to be crazy. It is not a hobby, or something you do on weekends. It is really hard to explain. I have met a few shamans, little small ones, we make sure we have food and roof.
That guy takes it to another place. He gets credit for being crazy, but he is not a shaman. This is a big country, why not send him back to Phoenix?
HAHAHA! HRH is the best. And that last photo. No matter how many times I see it, I laughed out loud. And then shake my head!
ReplyDeleteThanks for a big laugh, Debra! The horned idiot is going down in the history books, remembered forever like this. Poetic justice I say. Pence is one of those "Christians" who turns my stomach. How he could stand by the Orange Mussolini I'll never understand. I've always wanted to be a princess, however it hasn't worked out. I'm the clapper on the sidelines.
ReplyDeleteI can't stop laughing! LOL! Big Hugs!
ReplyDelete