Though a seeker since my birth, Here is all I’ve learned on earth, This the gist of what I know: Give advice and buy a foe. Random truths are all I find Stuck like burs about my mind. Salve a blister. Burn a letter. Do not wash a cashmere sweater. Tell a tale but seldom twice. Give a stone before advice.
Pressed for rules and verities, All I recollect are these: Feed a cold to starve a fever. Argue with no true believer. Think-too-long is never-act. Scratch a myth and find a fact. Stitch in time saves twenty stitches. Give the rich, to please them, riches. Give to love your hearth and hall. But do not give advice at all.
The Universe works in mysterious ways. That pizza, wine, nap, selfie, wait person will probably be the one to buy a lottery ticket, win millions on the first try. Thus, proving doing what one loves works.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I didn't come to the right place.
An aside: One of my pet peeves — people who make statements like “Do what you love and money will follow.”
Another aside: I have a dear old friend who married and became Mary Worth. And, except for the fact that my friend doesn't wear her hair in a bun, they look exactly alike.
I copied the money advice. Love and money are not related. Some do love money even though money can not love them back. Hey do my thoughts qualify me as a sage?
Sagely advice, Debra. Thank you. I especially like the one about spelling your name with your butt, and this last one. Will take it to heart (and butt). Cheers. Have a great week.
I wish I'd known about spelling my name with my butt the one time I went to a dance in high school. I absolutely could not dance. Hopeless. Absolutely hopeless.
That herring trick will definitely do the trick. Oh my. I almost gag when Mrs. Shife eats a can of sardines. I don't know what I do around this smell. I also feel like I am the "me" in a lot of those advice scenarios. Definitely done the Bugles and mozzarella sticks.
Mary Worth, i used to use that as an oracle, back when she was still here. Not saying that she was a good oracle, but every once in a while Mary Worth did save the day. My other was that RCMP guy, with handy tips about how to start a fire, how to read tracks, how to be a boy. I had to figure it out for myself. No way could i tell the RCMP. So far, it is okay, and i thank Mary Worth.
I like the herring trick. I think that would work well in keeping most people away and from getting their unsolicited advice too!
ReplyDeleteNo one seems to ask for advice any longer.
ReplyDeleteI'm beginning to wonder if I came to the right place?
ReplyDeleteAnd Happy May Day sweet cheeks!
Tequila always tells me I can dance.
ReplyDeleteTequila is usually wrong.
Debra is this post reflective of your eating habits - Pringles, Bugles, Oreos and cookie dough?
ReplyDeleteA Garland of Precepts
ReplyDeleteby Phyllis McGinley (1905-1978)
Though a seeker since my birth,
Here is all I’ve learned on earth,
This the gist of what I know:
Give advice and buy a foe.
Random truths are all I find
Stuck like burs about my mind.
Salve a blister. Burn a letter.
Do not wash a cashmere sweater.
Tell a tale but seldom twice.
Give a stone before advice.
Pressed for rules and verities,
All I recollect are these:
Feed a cold to starve a fever.
Argue with no true believer.
Think-too-long is never-act.
Scratch a myth and find a fact.
Stitch in time saves twenty stitches.
Give the rich, to please them, riches.
Give to love your hearth and hall.
But do not give advice at all.
@ Lady M -- I've enjoyed all of those delicacies in the past but have reformed my wicked ways now -- at least for the moment.
ReplyDelete@ Frank -- Thanks for the poetic advice, lol!
ReplyDeleteThe last one is more of a warning than advice. You should also start with "I'm not sure, but..." and still end with "But IDK tho".
ReplyDeleteYou'll also see one of these next Saturday.
These are all so hilarious! The Pickled Herring. 😳😳😳😳
ReplyDeleteJust proves that no one knows what they're doing, so don't ask anyone for advice.
Love the Herring>>>Phew!!!
ReplyDeleteI guess I should stop talking to myself as well...good point!!
The Universe works in mysterious ways. That pizza, wine, nap, selfie, wait person will probably be the one to buy a lottery ticket, win millions on the first try. Thus, proving doing what one loves works.
ReplyDeleteExcellent advise and obviously an excellent advise giver!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm pretty sure I didn't come to the right place.
ReplyDeleteAn aside: One of my pet peeves — people who make statements like “Do what you love and money will follow.”
Another aside: I have a dear old friend who married and became Mary Worth. And, except for the fact that my friend doesn't wear her hair in a bun, they look exactly alike.
My best advice, don’t give advice!
ReplyDeletenow i wait...................
ReplyDeleteI copied the money advice. Love and money are not related. Some do love money even though money can not love them back.
ReplyDeleteHey do my thoughts qualify me as a sage?
Sagely advice, Debra. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI especially like the one about spelling your name with your butt, and this last one. Will take it to heart (and butt).
Cheers.
Have a great week.
The herring trick is probably related to wearing garlic around your neck to avoid colds. Also people.
ReplyDeleteThe advice is as good as most of the columns I follow.
I definitely would not turn down $100,000 for free and it sounds better than $2,000 I have worked for
ReplyDeleteThese are most excellent and made me giggle!
ReplyDeleteI love the subtlety that everyone wants to be heard or a sounding board no matter who they are
ReplyDeleteI wish I'd known about spelling my name with my butt the one time I went to a dance in high school. I absolutely could not dance. Hopeless. Absolutely hopeless.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
Well, between the Vodka and spelling my name with my bum, I have realized I CAN indeed dance!
ReplyDeleteWoot woot!
XOXO
I'm thinking of reading, What To Say When You Talk To Your Self.
ReplyDeleteCoffee is on, and stay safe.
The pickled herring will keep most people away, but probably not Swedes. Let's hope Swedes don't get the measles.
ReplyDelete"Attack while they're distracted" shall be my new motto.
ReplyDeleteEnough vodka and I'll dance in celebration of the porcelain god.
ReplyDeleteThere is no use asking me for advice
ReplyDeleteI’m living life by the seat of my pants
The one about the essential oils! BAHAHAHAHA I can actually see someone trying this.
ReplyDeleteThat herring trick will definitely do the trick. Oh my. I almost gag when Mrs. Shife eats a can of sardines. I don't know what I do around this smell. I also feel like I am the "me" in a lot of those advice scenarios. Definitely done the Bugles and mozzarella sticks.
ReplyDeleteMary Worth, i used to use that as an oracle, back when she was still here. Not saying that she was a good oracle, but every once in a while Mary Worth did save the day.
ReplyDeleteMy other was that RCMP guy, with handy tips about how to start a fire, how to read tracks, how to be a boy.
I had to figure it out for myself. No way could i tell the RCMP.
So far, it is okay, and i thank Mary Worth.
Fermented herring should keep the neighbours away, but it might attract millions of cats.
ReplyDeleteOh lordy! Those are a hoot!
ReplyDeleteAttack while they're distracted. A much better punch line!
ReplyDeleteI love the "what does a cat say one."😂
ReplyDelete-Quinley
haha loved it
ReplyDeletei have seen how enthusiastic people feel to give free advices mom would say listen to all but do what your heart says :)
I actually smelled that Swedish pickled herring. Ghastly smell. Couldn't eat any.
ReplyDeletePickled herring all the way. I discovered years ago that a sardine sandwich before bed acted as birth control.
ReplyDeleteFrank, I am stealing that poem.