Imbolc Cyberspace Poetry Slam

Today is Imbolc, the sacred day of the Celtic Goddess Brigid. Many pagans around the blogosphere celebrate it by participating in a Cyberspace Poetry Slam which has been occurring now for several years. Everyone posts a favourite poem written by themselves or by another. Collectively, this results in a vast internet web of poetry being woven to honour Brigid, the Goddess of Poetry.

This year I am posting a favourite poem written by Bethroot Gwynn, a respected Crone and Elder of the lesbian, feminist and Goddess communities. She is a long-time feminist organizer, activist and women's land pioneer in the USA. And also a beautiful creator of women's culture and feminist spiritual practice. I read this poem many, many years ago in a We'Moon Datebook (of which Bethroot Gwynn has been a Special Editor for two decades). Her joyous and imaginative imagery of the Divine Feminine's sacred creativity inspired me then and it still inspires me today! I hope you enjoy her poem as well. Blessed Imbolc to you all!

I am the Author of All Life.
I scribble the World.
Sometimes I laugh, and galaxies spill out between my teeth.
Sometimes I whisper my secrets to the crystals and they remember -- all rocks are wise.
All fibers of being are encoded with my will, my skill.
I blink, and the light-years stretch out, curl back upon themselves.
I smile, and the universe is a beloved dream.
I am always available.
You may drink the milk of wisdom at any time.
All your thoughts are cells of my body.
All your cells are my thoughts.
You are one pure moment: matter and spirit, flesh and heart.
I am the sea you float on.
I am the air of your inner sky.
Your molecules are my dance.
Your soul is the song I sing.

                                            -- Bethroot Gwynn, 1997

The Battle of New Orleans

Although the War of 1812 came to an end with the Treaty of Ghent signed on December 24, 1814, it took a while for that news to reach North America from Europe. Consequently, continued skirmishes and attacks between the British and Americans occurred until mid-February 1815, when word of the peace treaty finally arrived.

The most famous of these late-breaking hostilities was the Battle of New Orleans on January 8, 1815. Heavily outnumbered American soldiers and militia under Major-General Andrew Jackson ("Old Hickory") defeated the British who attacked the Louisiana city both by land and sea. The victory boosted Jackson's profile and reputation, ultimately helping to propel him to the White House as president in 1829.

I mentioned before that the most famous song to come out of the War of 1812 is the American national anthem. The second most famous song is the 1959 hit "The Battle of New Orleans" by Johnny Horton. Who doesn't remember that catchy banjo-and-martial-drumbeat music with its down-home lyrics?

            We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin.
            There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
            We fired once more and they began to runnin' on
            Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.

            Yeah, they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles
            And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go.
            They ran so fast that the hounds couldn't catch 'em
            Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.

I can't embed it from YouTube for copyright reasons but click here for a fun little video of the song.

So this post concludes my series on the War of 1812 -- thanks for persevering with me over the past couple of years! And may I just say to our American neighbours -- I'm glad everything ended well and we're all friends now, but please don't invade Canada again, eh? Just come as tourists and spend your money here instead. The loonie is low right now so you'll get an extra good deal!

Happy Australia Day!

On Australia's National Day, I just want to take a quick moment to salute our Commonwealth cousins who live Down Under. So, up here in the Great White North, what do we REALLY know about Australia?

First of all, they talk funnier than us Canuckians, EH?

And EVERYTHING in their part of the world is dangerous and deadly.

But Australians always keep their, shall we say, WHIMSICAL sense of humour --

So now, what are the three main things that immediately leap to mind about Australia? Yes, you're right --

CROCS!

KANGAROOS!

AND KOALA BEARS!

[caption by

Calvin's Canadian Cave of Coolness]

But seriously, Australia is SO much more than our tired stereotypes about it! I sincerely hope to visit Australia one day and see this magnificent country for myself. Until then . . .

GOOD EYE MIGHT!

It's Robbie Burns Day!

Och aye, lassies and laddies, 'tis time once again to celebrate the birthday of Scotland's greatest poet. So in the spirit of the Bard hisself, here's my wee annual collection of Scottish LOLs to tickle yer haggis.

It goes without saying that EVERYBODY is Scottish on Robbie Burns Day --

And it's the one day of the year that men can safely wear a skirt in even the most macho of cultures --

Now, WHY are Scots such badasses? Surely the answer is obvious. It's their take-no-prisoners approach to life --

A few months ago, Scotland held a referendum on independence from the U.K. Let's just say the results were not QUITE as expected.

Well, at least they saved the Union Jack.

The referendum demonstrated that there's always hard lessons to be learned in this life.

Now be off with ye or I swear to God I'll start singing "Ye Banks and Braes o' Bonnie Doon" in my best fake Scottish accent. And none of us wants that.

Lost, Naked and Afraid in IKEA

I spent more time at IKEA this autumn than any person in their right mind ought to. But I did finally decide on the book shelves and sideboard that I needed for my apartment. For the first time in my life, though, I had IKEA deliver and assemble the furniture for me. My days of personally wrasslin' with an allen key are SO over.

You can get damn near anything at IKEA, it's true.

I must have walked a million miles inside that bloody store. The sheer size of it is the main reason I never go to IKEA unless I absolutely have to.

Their furniture looks good even though it's not solid wood. Or solid anything, really.

But putting it together? No wonder people want to murder someone once they've finished assembling IKEA furniture . . . .

Even Santa's gone IKEA. Saves him a bundle on labour costs.

Starry, Starry Night

One of my favourite songs has always been Don McLean's 1972 hit Vincent (Starry, Starry Night). And Van Gogh's masterpiece "Starry Night" has always been my favourite of his paintings.



So okay now, in contrast to McLean's sensitive and profound meditation on Van Gogh's life, here's some internet LOLs on the same subject!

It's probably a good thing that Vincent didn't live today because modern pop culture might have affected his painting style.

Not everyone's a fan of his though.

While Grumpy Cat may do a good Vincent imitation . . . look at THIS awesome Vincent cosplay!

And this!

Though I suspect their parents had more than a hand in it!

Brassiere Purse

Ladies, do you ever carry things in your bra? I mean apart from The Girls. If I don't have a purse with me or have no pockets in my clothes, I will often carry my keys in my "brassiere purse." No big deal, right?

But then I saw this gif and my life changed.

Now I want a bazooka in my bra too! Wouldn't it be great? Imagine all the scenarios in which someone pisses you off and you could just whip that bazooka out of your over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder and KABOOM!

Steal my parking space at the mall? Cut ahead of me in line? Block the grocery aisle with your cart?

Go ahead, punk.

Make.

My.

Day.

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Legal Disclaimer -- No, no, no, no. Violence never solves anything. This post should not be taken as advocating the weaponization of brassieres. All disputes should be settled by peaceful means. Bras should only ever be used for good, not evil. And if it's cat-related good, then so much the better.