Thursday, 1 May 2014

A New Chapter Begins


When My Rare One and I got back from Tahiti at the end of March, we mutually decided that it is time for us to amicably separate. Actually, we made that decision on our 11th anniversary. We won't be having a 12th.

The key word here is "amicably." We are not ending our friendship, only our romantic partnership. It's just time for each of us to have our own space and individual lives again. We're both fine with this decision. There is a longstanding tradition in the gay and lesbian community of remaining friends with your exes. So My Rare One and I will still hang out, see each other around, keep our mutual friends, etc.

As one of my favourite Goddess songs says: "She changes everything She touches, and everything She touches, changes." All will be well.

This month I'm in the process of moving to my new apartment and getting settled in there. So my presence on this blog and in the blogosphere will be rather sporadic for awhile. But I'll be back! See you then.

94 comments:

LL Cool Joe said...

Oh I'm sorry to hear this, but I'm glad it's amicable. Any exes I've had, I've never spoken to again. :D

Hope the move goes well.

mxtodis123 said...

I am sorry to hear this, but I am glad that you will still remain friends. Wishing you well in whatever you choose to do.
Mary

Pickleope Von Pickleope said...

That's heavy. It sounds like the best possible type of separation that can happen and you're both being very mature about this. Good job for that. Also, thank you and bless you for not calling it a "conscious uncoupling."

jaz@octoberfarm said...

well, good for you two! it is wise when one knows it is time to call something quits. i think we all can learn from your example. i am sure you will remain good friends. hey, i'm cool. i watched every single second of the L-word. i know how these things work!!! hahaha!!!

Snap said...

New steps, new directions, new adventures. Happy May Day! Wishing you well and much joy.

Ol'Buzzard said...

On to new horizons - Your future has just dramatically changed - Looking forward to your return.
the Ol'Buzzard

Elsie Amata said...

I think Pickelope said it best - that is heavy. I'm happy it's a peaceful parting. I will miss the phrase Rare One though. Wishing you each the best on your separate journeys.

Laurie M said...

best wishes to you in this new chapter of your life, what a wonderful natural attitude to ending one part of a relationship, I also love that saying, its beautiful, a new apartment, that's exciting, we've been in ours one month, still adjusting make sure you check everything out good before you sign the dotted line, lol!!!!

Suzanne said...

Blessings to you both.

Jeanne said...

A New Day. A New Beginning. All the BEST to you both! :0)

DEZMOND said...

oh, no, Debs, ten years is a long time! But relationships don't have to be a lifetimelong category. It's the experiences that you share in the time while it lasts not the length in itself.
Hope the movement won't be too hard on you and hope you soon meet a stunning Bee Goddess who will share some honey with you!

Plowing Through Life (Martha) said...

What a mature, honest and admirable way to part. I wish you well in this new chapter in your life.

sophie...^5 said...

It sounds so foreign to us because of our monogamy and dealing with the ups and downs of a 40 year relationship. I hear of this happening so often and wonder, just wonder. Thinking about you always even if I am a cyber-buddy!
HugS
Ron

Jim said...

Sorry to hear this Debra. I wish you both all the best in the future.

Mary said...

Well, i'm so sorry to hear this, but understand. But i'm glad for both of you that it's amicable. That's important, and so much healthier all around. Hugs and good wishes.

Magic Love Crow said...

Debra, I am so sorry, but I am proud of both of you! So many people stay together and are miserable for it! I think it's so special that you will continue to be friends.
I take your post today to be a sign for me! A very good sign! I'm not in a relationship, but there are things that are happening around me, with other people's relationships, and they affect me.
Many blessings my friend! Keep on smiling and keep being you! I wish you and your rare one all the best!

Adam said...

at least things didn't end bitter. One journey ends, another begins.

Workingdan said...

Even though it's a mutual decision and you are not parting on a sad note, I still find it sad. A romantic involvement that last for 11 years is an accomplishment that not many can achieve. Sorry to see it come to an end!

Bill the Butcher said...

Well... What can I say but all the best. I'm not exactly happy to hear about breakups; I went through a very traumatic one in November. But life takes us in strsnge directions, doesn't it? Maybe you will get together again. My girlfriend and I did.

Linda Wildenstein said...

I wish you and your rare one the very best of the new futures you both will traverse. Wisdom dictates that when you know, you know. Good for both of you to be wise and kind. Both of those virtues will bless you. Oma Linda

Leeanna said...

I hate to hear about breakups. I hope this transition goes well for the both of you.

turquoisemoon said...

It's always sad...even if it's amicable. Times I this I remember the phrase, "the only thing certain is change". Best wishes to the both of you.

knitwit said...

I'll be thinking about you and sending all my positive energy your way. All the best as you move into this new phase of your life!

mrsduncanmahogany said...

Sorry to hear about the split. New chapter indeed. Now I have the song sung during Spiral Dance. Take care!

Vanessa Morgan said...

This is heartbreaking. But I'm sure there are lovely opportunities waiting ahead for you as well. Hugs.

The Happy Whisk said...

I admire how well you're handling this and just want to say, if you ever need to chat, my email is on the side of my blog.

Cheers boogie boogie and big hugs.

Anne O'Leary said...

I can't help but feel a twinge of sadness at your parting, but some things just have to be so. I wish the best for both of you and hope your move goes smoothly.

Dawna said...

Sorry to hear that Debra. So many changes, life huh.. keeps on moving.
We just gotta to go with it.. go with the flow
All the best for your new beginning..your new start. and I'm glad you will both remain friends

Cheryl said...

I would say I am sorry to hear it but then maybe this is something that is a positive thing for you. It sounds like you are being very sensible and know what you are doing. I wish you the best in starting some new chapters in your life's story. Big hugs to both you and your Rare One. Change is hard and I wish you the best.

Heli said...

Heavy, yeah! And I'm still bidding farewell to HRH ...
That song you quoted is so powerful, my new favourite! "We are changers,
Everything we touch, can change." All will be well! Hope to see you soon!

greekwitch said...

I am so sorry honey! 11 years is a lot of time so doing this is very brave of you guys! Not many have the courage to pursue happiness! I wish Cupid urge you in the way of true love!!
I hope you will post a few pics of your new place when you are settled!!

mistress maddie said...

Debs, I would say I'm sorry to hear this, but it's not really a sad occasion is it!?! I don't know if you read my blog when I split up, but my ex and I of 12 years went through the same thing you are now. It was also a mutual decision. We are still the best of friends, almost more like family. It is also good to sit and decide like adults these things, and talk about it. Otherwise things could end badly with bitter feelings. Feel free to drop a line if you ever want too. As you know, I'm doing more than well!!!!! It can be scary, because your so use to each other, but exciting at the same time, with a new chapter beginning. Best wished Debs!!!!

XOXOXOX

Lisa B said...

I dreamed of this last night. Dear Debra, i am so sorry for both of you, separation is always hard no matter how amicable it is. You are in my prayers my friend. Everything She touches changes. This I know to be true, so true xxx Love you xx

Francie M said...

Well you are both so nice, I have no doubt that you will remain friends. The wheel of life moved again my friend and I wish you both all the happiness and blessings you deserve.

heartinhand said...

Awww! I'm so sorry for the ending of this relationship, but I'm super excited for your new beginnings!
(Lesbians are so evolved!)

Magaly Guerrero said...

I hope this decision opens doors towards happier places for both of you. I'm glad for the "amicable" bit, it's a great help and blessing; I've been there...

(hugging you both)

Kay G. said...

Hey Debra!
Glad that both of you are agreeable and that there are no hard feelings. Still, I think that you might need a friendly, Hang in there, kiddo, everything will work out for the best...there, that's my two cents worth. Take care!

Caroline said...

I will say, my ex husband and I are still really great friends. The romance my be gone, but the friendship is still there (and actually its better than when we were a couple). Nonetheless, it's still hard... Sending you both lots of love and light during this process of change. xo

Frostbite and Sunburn said...

Very best wishes on your next leg of your life journey Deb.

JACKIESUE said...

well fuck. you two may be happy with the ending, but I'm not. my heart hurts for you both...

G. B. Miller said...

I am truly sorry to hear that you're parting ways with your significant other.

Still, it is refreshing to hear that you'll remain friends afterwards. Too often when people break up, there is a degree of acrimony that really prevents each other from moving on.

Father Nature's Corner

Lois said...

At first my heart stopped when I read the first bit, but calmed down as I continued on. Too bad those in the straight community could not take a cue from the gay and lesbian community. I was just thinking the other day, that it was nearly a year ago we met at the Cannon in Hamilton! How hot it was! This year is the polar opposite... Be well and settle in to your new home, change is good.

Guillaume said...

Well, I am glad that you are both breaking up in good terms, this is a rare thing in a couple's life I think, although I don't know about gay couples I do suspect it may not be that common for them either. Nevertheless, I always feel a bit sad knowing someone broke up.

CraveCute said...

I'm sorry to hear this Debra, but I wish you both the best and I hope your move goes well.

Beatnheart said...

wow....
a brave and bold move but one for the best for both of you...remain a family and keep a close eye on each other...
wishing all the very very best for you and rare one...

Riot Kitty said...

Wow - glad you can still be friends, that's quite amazing. I'm sure this isn't easy and I send hugs.

The Silver Bunny said...

And when I think I asked if you're weren't in Tahiti on your honeymoon !! My medium instincts obviously don't cross the pond ! xx

dbs said...

Why can't more people be like you?

klahanie said...

Thank goodness it's an amicable situation during a time of such emotional extremes.

May your new apartment be a new adventure, full of hope for the future.

In peace and goodwill,

Penny the Jack Russell dog modest internet superstar.

Linda said...

Good luck Debra...
Looking forward to future posts...
Take care..

Melanie said...

I'm so sorry to hear this! I love your outlook on things though. Good luck with everything!!

Willow said...

Wishing you and your Rare One well being and blessings as you transition into your new journeys ahead.

Birdie said...

I read this post the other day and for the life of me I could not think of what to say.
I do wish you both happiness. xo

Ms Misantropia said...

I've always wondered about friend groups and communities where everyone stays friends after break-ups. I am only friendly with one of my exes but we never see each other. Then again, I don't really have many friends, since I don't like people... hmm, I think I see where I go wrong... :)

Kidding aside, I really hope this will work out for the best for the both of you.

A Beer For The Shower said...

That's incredible. I'm sorry and I'm happy for you all at the same time as you move on with your life. Gay and lesbian relationships sound so much more mature than straight ones. If any of my exes saw me they'd probably set fire to my car and stab me in the liver.

Needless to say, we are not still friends. :)

Kestril Trueseeker said...

Amicable. It's a good but bittersweet word for me. But then some things are tastier for that bit of bitter mixed into the rest. Good luck to you both.

Hindustanka said...

Had to see amicable in the dictionary...
I think it is wise of both of you, and I wish you both to find happiness in the new beginnigns :) Take care! Will be waiting for you to come back to blogging!

greekwitch said...

Thank you so much my love!

Miss Val's Creations said...

It's not easy when a relationship ends. It is a way of closing a door and opening a new one. It is fantastic that you will be able to remain friends.

JACKIESUE said...

https://www.facebook.com/theotherteam?fref=photo

cute cartoons

Lisa B said...

Thinking of you everyday darling Debra. Sending love always xx

Summer said...

I have a lot of respect for people who can/who choose to do what you are doing - acknowledge when something has run it's course and part on good terms. Not many people are able to do that. Best of luck to you and your Rare One as you start this new phase in your journeys.

Joy Christi said...

Glad it was friendly and mutual, and that you will still be friends. That can be difficult, but at least what you have in common can still be enjoyed.
We will miss your presence, and anxiously await your return!

Fundy Blue said...

Oh Debra! I don't know what to say! I realized I hadn't seen a recent post from you and went looking. I am glad that you and your Rare One are parting on amicable terms, but my heart is aching for the loss you both must be feeling. And all the upheaval of moving to a new apartment. I can't wait to see you come back into the blogosphere. I am sending positive thoughts and bug hugs your way. Please take care of you and give yourself lots of TLC!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I'm glad you have such a healthy, positive attitude about it, Debra. I'm also very sorry for your loss - a loss on many levels. But new doors open too, and friendship is a great gift that typically far outlasts romance.

xoRobyn

Robin Larkspur said...

Well, Debra, I have been out of the loop since before Christmas, and my first blog to read today is yours. Even though you both are agreed, in sync with remaining friends, it still has to be tough going for a bit, getting all re-situated. But opportunities ahead, and welcome to a brand new day. Ugh, that sounds really sappy. Bottom line, thinking of you and hoping all is well! Hugs from Robin

Missy George said...

I just saw this Deb..Sorry to hear it..I did that with my first husband..Best move ever..I wish you all the best..

Anne Johnson said...

"And yet I can rejoice
that everything changes, that
we go from life
into life

and enter ourselves
quaking
like the tadpole, its time come, tumbling toward the slime."
--Galway Kinnell, Body Rags

Fundy Blue said...

I saw your icon on Sophie Doodle's blog. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. I guess I could have left a comment there! Duh! Take care ~ lots of self-TLC needed for you right now!

Professor Chaos said...

Sorry to hear that. Good luck, I hope it works out well for you both.

Laurie M said...

I'm just popping in to say hi, hope you are well,

Kyra Wilson said...

An amicable split sounds like a good thing. I hope it leads to wonderful changes for you, and that your move goes well!

Bobbybegood1 said...

Endings are beginnings. My ex and I are very good friends. Be well my friend. See ya soon. Cheers!!

DWei said...

As long as it was amicable, that's what matters.

Suzie Ridler said...

Oh Debra, I am so sorry. Even though its amicable, I am sure it is still hard and has brought so much challenge change to your life. I am thinking of you.

Willow said...

Popping back in today to wish you well again.
Can never have too many well wishes on a journey through new ground.
Understandably quite here while you regroup .
You are missed.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

((HUGS))

Victoria said...

Hi kindred..wishing you many new adventures on your new journey!
Massive hugs and much love..
Victoria

SUZY8-TRACK said...

Sorry to hear that. Glad that you will remain being friends.

The Happy Whisk said...

Hey, I don't know if you got to see my post where I mentioned you, but now because of you, I call it the Lemon Tart Room. Although, one of Tim's gamer buddies, calls it the Lemon Fart Room.

Boys. Stinky boys.

The Happy Whisk said...

Just got your message: Oh yeah, I love the idea. Great name. Thanks. Yes, stinky boys will be boys.

theduchessofh said...

I just found your blog tonight,via The Silver Bunny.
I've read only this post,thus far.
I feel a little, je ne sais quoi ; knowing I'll be reading old posts, trying to catch up; when you're trying to move on.
As a fellow Canadian, and bee lover, I hope you find happiness and love.

Cheers,
Donna

Stephanie Faris said...

So sorry for your split. I'm glad, though, that you're able to remain friends. While it can seem scary, I find we look back at these type of moments as such an exciting time. You never know where your journey will take you next.

brandi said...

~i think the wise words of spoken throughout are words we all should adhere too...life is ever changing in good times and bad...i wish you both well as your transitioning during this time...be well and much love light and blessings always shining brightly upon you~

Anne O'Leary said...

I wanted to stop by and let you know I'm thinking of you. I hope the move is going okay and that you are well in spirit.

Hugs xoxo

The Happy Whisk said...

I came by again to let you know that I was thinking of you as well. Hope you are good and that moving forward is going well.

Cheers and boogie boogie.

Cindy said...

Hi Debrah,thinking about you. hoping your move is going well and that all is good. Glad things can be amicable, sending a hug your way.

Introverted Art said...

Debra I hope this new chapter is filled with wonderful surprises...

Green Monkey said...

your separation sounds so healthy Debra. I was doing really well living alone until I had this "you're terminal" scare and then I opened the door back up. now I have regrets, big ones.

best of everything to you!

Donna B. said...

As long as it was "mutual" I guess I am happy for you…I wish you only the very best and lots of happiness while sailing solo for awhile…(((hugs)))

Deborah said...

Oh Debra, I am so very sorry. I think that no matter how it ends, it is still a great loss confusingly combined with new beginnings. So I send you love to keep you warm, and ask that Angels surround you to keep you safe, and prayers for continued Life to the Fullest.
All my love,
Deb

Blueberry said...

Running a little behind here, but so sorry to hear your news... however... it has to be all for the best. Love is a cycle that continues through many phases, just like all organic things. May you both have future happiness.

Diane Cayton-Hakey said...

Just reading this now... WOW, am I far behind on reading your blog, and I apologize. I was shocked to read this post... but all relationships go through changes and since you are remaining friends then you can still say it was a successful relationship. Wishing you each the best in your new locations... xox

Veronica Roth said...

Peace. I wish you and your rare one peace and tranquility. Bet you love each other to the end of your days and that's more than a lot of people have in this world.