Thank you for this question, Guillaume of Vraie Fiction. Your worry that it might be considered crass is unfounded. My life is an open book, mon ami.
The only man who has ever broken my heart is Colin Firth/Mr. Darcy. God damn him and his Regency good looks! * sob *
But what about my university boyfriend Doofus, whom I dated when still labouring under the mistaken impression that I was straight? No, Doofus did not break my heart. Only my hymen. And good riddance to both it and him, quite frankly.
Now, I must admit that a certain amount of heartache has been caused by all the various lesbian lovers I've had over the years. "There's no drama like dyke drama," as they say and alas, it's true. Luckily, however, no long-lasting or permanent damage has been done to my heart. I'm a survivor in the game of luuuuv, baby.