Monday, 4 April 2016

A Birthday Dirge for Magaly


This is my entry for today's prompt at Magaly Guerrero's Dark Poetry for the Cruellest Month blog event. Magaly's birthday is tomorrow and she has asked for Birthday Dirges to be composed in her honour. She cited as a model/example the ever-popular Viking Birthday Dirge.



Now, I find the Viking Birthday Dirge to be as hilarious as the next person. Goddess knows I've forwarded it to everyone who I even suspect of having Norse ancestry. They love it too! But it's an entirely different thing for someone of my sunny disposition to deliberately write dark and dire things concerning something I've always been trained to regard as the happiest of occasions -- a birthday! Writing this dirge was totally counter-intuitive.

But I've done it for you, Magaly, only for you! Have a wonderful birthday tomorrow and a most joyous celebration. Okay now, everyone put on your best frowny face while reading my dirge --

It's your birthday.
Happy birthday.
Getting older is such fun,
You'll get wrinkles on your bum,
On your birthday.
Happy birthday.

It's your birthday.
Happy birthday.
Oh but that is not the worst,
Your whole country's gonna burst,
On your birthday.
Happy birthday.

It's your birthday.
Happy birthday.
You live in the U.S.A.,
Prez'dent Trump is on his way,
On your birthday.
Happy birthday.

It's your birthday.
Happy birthday.
If that's not okay with you,
How 'bout Clinton Number Two?
On your birthday.
Happy birthday.

It's your birthday.
Happy birthday.
If the States go all to hell,
Come to Canada to dwell!
On your birthday.
Happy birthday.

[© Debra She Who Seeks, 2016]

See? I just couldn't help myself -- it has a happy ending!

40 comments:

Marie Smith said...

And we'd be happy to have her! Happy birthday!

DEZMOND said...

yes, congratulating by mentioning Trump is a sure way to darken the celebrations :)

Mark said...

That Viking birthday dirge was great. I'm totally posting that on my birthday next month. Yours was fun too. A very happy birthday wish to Magalay.

laurie said...

well done!!!!!
oh my gosh this is good,, Happy birthday to the talented Magaly

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Gosh! This is absolutely delightful :D

Magaly Guerrero said...

I can't wait to read this to my Piano Man and to my Mother in Law. But I need to read it a few hundred times first, in order to practice enough to be able to read it over my laughter.

That damn skunk! Um... I mean, Trump, will sure ruin any warrior's birthday. I will certainly pack my hammers, chalice and axe, and run to Canada like mad, if that insane creature... No, I refuse to even write it. I just won't.

Thank you, Debra, this made me laugh sooo freaking hard. "Clinton number two?" Bwahahaha!

Ms Misantropia said...

Hahahahaha!

Dr. Theda said...

A very happy Birthday to her, dear Lady Debra.

Dixie@dcrelief said...

Cool - it's a 'kick the USA candidates' day! Love it.

JACKIESUE said...

this is what I always put in birthday cards....


today is the first day of the rest of your life...
don't fuck it up.

Leeanna said...

That dirge would make anyone sad. To put the hated candidates in it was a wild idea. Oh, there might be a mass desertion to Canada for sure. Either that of a revolution in our country.

lgsquirrel said...

It's your birthday.
Happy birthday.
All those birthday candles burning
A major cause of global warming
On your birthday.
Happy birthday.

Mary Ann Farley said...

Witty and wonderful! Totally charming.

Miss Val's Creations said...

Oh I love the tune! I may want to relocate to Canada based on our impending election! We are quite close to reaching an all time low here.

Khaya Ronkainen said...

Hilarious!

e said...

Pollyanna Sisterhood, Unite!

Sharon Rawson said...

Wildly hilarious! Great fun!

Martin Kloess said...

Enjoyed this thank you for sharing

CraveCute said...

Hahaha! Your dirge is fantastic! May I please move to Canada if 'drumpf' 'trump' gets elected. I can't be sure he won't... there are really a lot of clueless people in this country.

Guillaume said...

April IS the cruellest month. That song is hilarious. I will listen to it on my birthday. Which is this month, incidentally.

anne marie in philly said...

GREAT poetry! happy birthday to magaly!

Lisleman said...

wow you unfortunately did a great job of reminding us Americans of the awful election we face. I'll be tracking the looney-dollar exchange as we reach Nov.

Ol'Buzzard said...

What Birthday?
Fuck it I'm old.
Who's counting



the Ol'Buzzard

Plowing Through Life (Martha) said...

HAHAHA! Oh my gosh that was darn good fun :) Hey, there's always room in Canada!

Hindustanka said...

Oh my.. the most cheerful dirge ever..lol

We will all come to Canada some day Debra,...:) The child benefit inctreased now, so why not? eh?:)))

Jim said...

Happy Birthday Magaly!!
Great writing Debra!

Cheryl said...

Now that would just be impossible not to smile while reading your poem. Yes it is depressing in pointing out the Trump/Clinton possibility but overall still quite cute. As for the soon to be migration of U.S. citizens wanting to move into Canada..Perhaps you could build a wall and have the U.S. pay for it. If Trump is President, I am sure he will be familiar with the idea.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I'm still giggling. This is the most delightful dirge - only because Canada is just across the border and Prez-dent Trump ain't tryin to build a big ole wall along the border. Plus, maple syrup.

Margo Ayotte said...

Greetings and politics at the same time, hilarious.
Cheers.

Missy George said...

Happy Birthday...Loved the dirge..be careful...no wall between us ;)

Rommy said...

Ooh! I can't think of anything scarier than politics at the moment! Well played!

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

Well done - jolly, bouncy, and at the same time full of foreboding.

Magic Love Crow said...

I really can't stop laughing! LOL! Debra! LOL! Fantastic! Well done! Brilliant!! Happy Birthday Magaly!!!

baili said...

haha your poetry is Mind blowing dear ,you know very well how to entertain ,

ahppy birthday to Magalay ,have a lovely blessede day dear

John M said...

I love the video and your poem.

Kay G. said...

Oh my, someone has to take over for Joan Rivers...may I suggest you? You are so funny.

Lynn said...

I'm wiping my eyes now! Love this!

Fearsome Beard said...

I recently made a comment somewhere and got a lecture about how I wouldn't be able to move to Canada. I'll admit I was commenting in jest but it made me realize there are some worried Canadians.

Gina said...

Bless you lol...Magaly does drive us to do the craziest of things to please her. I think we may all be coming to live in Canada :D XXX

The Happy Whisk said...

Frowny faces. Too much.