Shakespeare is damn tired of feeling irrelevant and outdated in the modern world. His image needs a makeover!
How about a haircut and some hipster clothes, Bill? Yeah, that's better.
And screw parchment! He's using an iPad these days.
And he's got a blog!
LL Shakey Bill is getting quite a reputation as a rapper on the World Wide Web, complete with parental advisory controls on his sites.
And he's on Twitter too!
Bill is also trying to update his writing style. He's gotta reach computer nerds now, after all.
Plus connect with the youth of the 21st century! That's why he's rewritten a few of his classics using texts, slang, emojis and hashtags.
Take his play Hamlet, for instance. Who the hell wants to plow through Hamlet's dull "Get thee to a nunnery" speech when they can read this instead?
And teens relate much better to his new style than a bunch of ye olde Englishe claptrap!
It's not like the update strips the original of its power or poetry or anything!
The new folios do, however, have their detractors.
[Note: These books are real and part of the recently published "OMG Shakespeare" series. They are available on Amazon and presumably at better bookstores everywhere, assuming that any such places still exist.]