Hello everyone. Her Royal Highness the Cat here once again.
VICTORY IS MINE!!!!!
I'm THRILLED to announce that I am the GRAND PRIZE WINNER of this year's Anti-Valentines Day Contest held by Rawknrobyn over at Life by Chocolate: Robyn Alana Engel's Blog! Yes, my poetic genius has FINALLY been recognized and rewarded!
Rawknrobyn, who is just EVER-SO-SLIGHTLY JADED by online dating and relationships, asked for submissions on the topic "Damned Be the Fairytale."
[Collage art by Rawknrobyn for this year's contest]
My useless human Debra She Who Seeks tried IN VAIN for an HOUR to come up with an entry but FAILED because that NAIVE SENTIMENTAL SAP actually LIKES Valentines Day, can you imagine? So she suggested I try MY paw at coming up with something.
Well, with my VAST experience of the TRUE nature of TOMCATS, it took me like TWO SECONDS to come up with a DEATHLESS POEM OF GENIUS, worthy of the Great Bard WILLIAM SHAKESPURR himself!
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Toms pretend to be Super Cat
But are really Pepe le Pew.
Wow, I amaze EVEN MYSELF sometimes. How could this NOT be the Best Entry??? The majority of Rawknrobyn's DISCERNING READERS (Connaisseurs of Fine Literature ALL) who voted for my poem AGREED that it was the BEST in a fair and democratic vote that was not in ANY way influenced by Russia. NYET! My old pal Mr. Whiskervitch did NOT spread DISINFORMATION or threaten ANYONE, contrary to the FAKE NEWS reported by those Enemies of the People, the LIBERAL MEDIA.
Anyway, my prize package has now ARRIVED! And what was in that lovely kitty cat gift bag, you ask? It was positively STUFFED with CHOCOLATE and other goodies, including Rawknrobyn's original collage art featured above!
Some items were CLEARLY meant for me, THE CHAMPION, like the celebratory BUBBLY BOTTLE filled with champagne-flavoured Jelly Bellies, the U-NO and GOOD NEWS chocolate bars and the cat POST-IT NOTES that warn "Dis better be important." There was no actual MONEY, alas, but the bag DID include a chocolate bar wrapped in a fake $100 American bill (worth $125 in fake Canadian money!)
Rawkynrobyn is SO GENEROUS that she even included some items for my HUMAN -- a couple of RAINBOW Sixlets and a FLAKE chocolate bar, which I'm sure is an EDITORIAL COMMENT (entirely accurate, by the way) on my human's personality. I'll give the Chocolate Cherries and the Sea Side Caramel chocolate bar to my human's RARE ONE, because EVERY year when I was alive she always used to slip me a choice bit of Thanksgiving TURKEY right off the bird. And as they say --