Sunday, 29 November 2020

How to Cook All Hoity-Toity

You know those ritzy, fancy-shmancy recipes 
that are impossible to make?


They can require the most ridiculous ingredients!


But don't sweat it!
There's always a work-around!


Simple substitutions can save the day!




Or just doll up the presentation a bit.
No one will be the wiser!


And you know what? 
Temperature substitutions 
can be made too.


Sheesh, it's not like it's 
rocket science, people!

40 comments:

Mike said...

I like the math in the last one. Makes sense to me!

jaz@octoberfarm said...

this reminds me...i am low on dodo feathers.

Bob said...

Dammit.
I forgot Dodo bird feathers at the market yesterday!

Martha said...

These are so funny and so true!!

Parnassus said...

Lily Munster used to make chicken soup from feathers taken from a pillow. --Jim

anne marie in philly said...

RTG and I liked the PB&J description. I read it with my pinkie fingers pointed skyward.

I don't watch cooking shows. but I DO have ina garten's lobster mac & cheese recipe and it could NOT be easier to make! I found it on youtube.

Ur-spo said...

Dutch tears pair nicely with my edam cheese, which is made from milk squeezed out the the backsides of organic cows in Rotterdam at 3AM but the same mentioned maidens.

CraveCute said...

LOL!! Still finishing up our case of SPAM from the beginning of the pandemic...

Tundra Bunny said...

Ingredient substitution can be tricky. I used baking powder instead of baking soda once and my chocolate cake exploded in the oven!

The Blog Fodder said...

Those were so funny and so true. Impossible ingredients and then dibble a bit at a time. Why not dump the dry mix in with the wet mix and stir?
When I was in school, my mom gave me her Swiss Steak recipe. It started with "Take a clean frying pan..." Well, damn.

Laurie said...

👍❤️

Guillaume said...

Funny ones.

Magaly Guerrero said...

The last one and the sandwiches had me rolling. There are actual tears in my eyes. Thank you for these ones, dearest Debra. I so needed them today!

Marie Smith said...

Some ingredients are far more exotic than our stores carry.

Cynthia said...

The Great British Baking Show has been an education. Caster sugar? Ganache? Marzipan? Clotted cream? Chelsea buns?

Brian Joseph said...

Very funny stuff.

I do tend to be an adventurous cook and I sometimes take on challenging recipes. If I cannot find an ingredient then I substitute.

Moving with Mitchell said...

These are hilarious but that puréed nut spread w/grape relish reduction paired w/brioche bun was stolen from me. Except I use APE-ricot relish!

brewella deville said...

I love the beans on toast. My favorite part of the recipe comments sections is when someone says they made the recipe but substituted half of the ingredients and swapped cooking methods then complain about the results.

I also love cooking from scratch, but right now if someone else gave me boxed mac and cheese and a couple of dino-shaped chicken nuggets I'd gobble it up and cry tears of joy that I didn't have to cook for myself.

JACKIESUE said...

I love this so much..trying to make dinner for 3 kids on a non existent budget we had a lot of things called 'who knows'..

e said...

Oh, good golly, yes! These are all SO TRUE!!

The beans on toast and the PBJ had me laughing out loud...

Leanna said...

I really need to stock up on Dodo feathers and I wonder if Home Desperate has an oven that heats up to 14,000 degrees. It will save so much time in the longrun.

Kirk said...

You saved the best one for last. Now, kind of like they did in a different context in This is Spinal Tap, I just have to add a few knobs to my oven in order to get the temperature that high.

Tasker Dunham said...

I'm sending that Jamie Oliver one on.

Rommy said...

We've kept things simplish since the pandemic. Sometimes we like to try cooking something interesting, but we also love fish sticks too. :D

fatty liver said...

Nice post

G. B. Miller said...

All very funny and cute.

Side note: Jamie Oliver actually has a new cookbook out that features 7+ recipes for the top 20 ingredients used by people world-wide.

Linda said...

Hahaaa, so funny and some are really spot on! The peanut butter and jam sandwich one is hilarious. The last one is the best one lol!

Martha said...

HAHAHA! Loved these. So funny. I can't tell you how many recipes I've skipped over because of the crazy ass ingredients required.

Ol'Buzzard said...

A good bottle of wine makes anything great.
the Ol'Buzzard

Hena Tayeb said...

My kids would love the mac and cheese in a goblet with a fancy chicken nugget.

^.^ said...

Ah ... cooking. With this notice I am informing you that I am probably the lousiest cook ever, friend D. ... smiles ... Sending love, cat.

pam nash said...

I've made a few substitutions in cooking ingredients myself. Of course, I have to look up just WHAT the recommended ingredient IS sometimes, first.

This N That said...

Loved those..What a great topic..The cost of all those ingredients that "everybody has in their pantry" is exorbitant and goes bad before you use it again!! Have a wonderful week..

Bill Lisleman said...

I think those are dinosaur nuggets. They do look special stuck on the edge of a wine glass. Very classy!

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Hahahaha
OMG this is me. I have NO IDEA about cooking. I can make Miso soup and white rice. And salad. And omelettes. Those would be my main source of food if I didn't have people who actually know how to cook around me.

XOXO

NanaDiana said...

hahahahaha--OMG-Just what I needed tonight. My friend married a Southern gal- that was brought up with a maid and cook. They got married and he asked her to boil them a coupe of hot dogs. She boiled them for FORTY-FIVE MINUTES. lol. She never did learn to cook!!! xo Diana

Suz said...

ALL of these made me chuckle; thanks for that!!

Fundy Blue said...

LOL! This is too funny, Debra! I am always making substitutions. That trait comes from living in isolated places. Most of the time I don't even use recipes; I just make things up. Like my "Whatever" homemade soup made with whatever is in the fridge. Love the Kraft dinner in the wine goblets! Your funnies always make me laugh!

Magic Love Crow said...

Thanks Debra! LOL! Sounds like my cooking! LOL!

baili said...

haha
enjoyed this one sooo much
i am so lazy and almost not very experimental with my cooking so when it comes to bring variety to kids what worries me most is demand for ingredients with weird spooky names lol
i skip or switch or yes i only skip the ingredient :)
fun post