Friday, 6 February 2015

The Ultimate Scofflaws


You know why criminals such as this guy love kittens? Because cats are THE WORST SCOFFLAWS on the face of the planet. They follow no orders. They obey no rules. They love to stick it to THE MAN at every opportunity.

Cats are clever though. They're always very careful to have some bogus reason ready about why THEY are really the innocent victim in any mayhem which ensues . . . .


But the plain truth is that cats WANT to break the law. They WANT to be all hopped up on pills or catnip while speeding down the street with two cop cars in hot pursuit. Cats know they've got nine lives, so what the hell do they care? They LIVE for the adrenaline rush of bad behaviour.


Cats all have a VERY poor attitude when it comes to obeying any kind of authority. They'll break any rule, no matter how small or trivial, just to make a point.


And you know why, of course. Their Great Leader and Official Role Model sets the standard for the entire feline community -- the SCOFFLAW STANDARD.


Those of you with cats KNOW it's true. Cats have been thumbing their noses at authority for as long as they've been "domesticated" and living in our homes.


Cats go OUT OF THEIR WAY to show their contempt for us and our "rules."


Cats will never admit their Scofflaw Agenda though. When confronted, they always just give us some supercilious, snotty CATTITUDE about the whole thing and pretend like we're total IDIOTS.


And maybe, just maybe, WE ARE!

51 comments:

Sunnybrook Farm said...

Bubbles loves his kitties!
Our cats have a new amusement of covering up their poop on the paths and road. You have to watch for odd piles of grass and leaves. They think they have been getting training from terrorists. The old roadside bomb thing cat style.

jaz@octoberfarm said...

cats and teddy. chows are VERY catlike!

Dawna said...

So funny
Everyday I find myself saying.. these cats we got here are just so cheeky..
and they really don't care what I think

mxtodis123 said...

Great morning chuckle. Love my cats.
Mary

Debi said...

No longer a mystery, , I must share this my cat lovin pals! xoDebi

DEZMOND said...

cats are the original criminals! And I suspect mafia masterminds too....

Mark said...

I'm fully aware of the fact that one day my cat will probably kill me. She's yet to really try and push me down the stairs but you can see it in her eye. No joke though our big fluffy ginger one did give my dad an eye infection. He sleeps with my dad and got his fur in his eyes I think.

Linda Wildenstein said...

This just made me roar. Our cats are certainly linked into these catitudes on so many different levels. But I didn't type that and they don't need to know. And no, I'm not afraid of them (yes I am). xoxo Oma Linda

Suzie Ridler said...

Cats rock. I may have been born under the sign of the dog but man, cats inspire me. Thanks for the reminder, the laughter feline inspiration.

Jacquelineand.... said...

I must have a different breed of cat... all of them but one have pseudo-secretly been dogs; all but one.
He was a goat in cat clothing. When he opened his mouth to meow it always came out a bleat. And he butted. Thankfully, he wasn't even as big as a mini goat.

Sybil N said...

Found my way here c/o a comment you left on Sophie's blog.

Love your cat humour ... and your World view.

I'll be back.

Betty said...

Totally true! My cats will do something and just look at me like "What are you going to do about it, Human? Give me some kibble now!"

The Happy Whisk said...

The stair one made me laugh out loud. Good stuff. Happy Weekend.

Anne Johnson said...

Last Saturday I got up at 5:30, which is my usual time, because I needed an aspirin. Since that's the usual wake-up call, my cats came down for their canned food. I fed them. I went back to sleep. When I got up at 10:00, they saw an opportunity. They begged for a can of cat food even though they had already been fed. Such innocence! Cheeky rascals.

Leeanna said...

This is so true! I used to have a cat that had a personality exactly like the Grumpy Cat. Never gave a single fuck.

lady M said...

Nope - disagree. Cats are as trainable as other animals. My cats have always been very well behaved. Never had a counter surfer, or a sneak out of the door type, or a crap around the house fellow. They all come when they are called too.

Missy George said...

Thanks for the laugh!! You just haven't met the right cat..I could say the same thing about Mollie (my dog)..Max (my cat) is very dog like..

Robin Larkspur said...

Cats: can't live with them, can't kill 'em!

Rommy said...

They have very little respect for my right to breathe as well...aaahhh-CHOO!

Mary said...

Lol! There's no way we humans are smarter than cats. There just isn't. They know (and defy) all!

Joy Christi said...

Wow, I'm sorry your cat can't drive or operate heavy machinery. What a bummer. Guess he'll have to learn to take it easy and I don't know, just lay around in the sun taking cat naps. Good luck with that!
Those pictures are sooo funnny!

JACKIESUE said...

when Dex is being an asshole I'll say his name in the deep your in shit voice and he does this slooooow head turn, looks at me with contempt and looks away..bastid.

bill lisleman said...

The cat sitting on the steps is the best one. I don't know the situation about these steps but really would it matter if someone sat there for awhile. What is it with signs and authority?

Plowing Through Life (Martha) said...

BAHAHAHA! I love this. And it is so true. True that cats don't respect authority. And true that we're idiots. My cats are FORBIDDEN from getting on the kitchen counters and table. Absolutely forbidden. They know it. And when we're in sight they never jump on them. But...once in awhile...when I'm rounding the corner to go to the kitchen, I hear a 'thump' and I just know my black cat is jumping off a forbidden zone. I'm convinced she sets up this whole scenario on purpose to show me I'm not the boss of her. Then she walks by me casually like "What are you so pissed about? I didn't do anything." I swear she smirks as she rubs up against me...I just know it.

Jim said...

This is why I LOVE cats, Debra!!

Ol'Buzzard said...

when company comes over cats show their contempt by licking their ass.
But: Cats Rule!
the Ol'Bizzard

Anonymous said...

That's why I love cats LOL. Previous post was also very funny :-D. Linda (ex-Night Owl ;-) )

ditchingthedog said...

With all their wickedness and ungratefulness the world is a better place with cats in it.

Michael D'Agostino said...

Really, cats could really do wonders for their image by exploiting the whole nine lives thing. Imagine how kids would feel when they're deciding on a pet and they learn this simple fact?

Adam said...

cats truly don't care.

Dogs can obviously feel guilt.

heartinhand said...

While cleaning out his majesty's litter box yesterday, Kamir walks over, steps in and proceeds to take a five minute whiz that left me speechless. He looked at me the entire time as if to say "oh, you thought you were done?"
Jerk.

Vanessa Morgan said...

My former cat was the opposite. He only cared about being sweet and loyal. But I agree; 99% of the cats are exactly like you describe it here ;-) Have a lovely weekend.

Victoria said...

hilarious...your posts always get me..I am giggling..I love cats..they rule!
u r awesome my friend.

Magaly Guerrero said...

I always knew I was a cat!

Rosemary said...

I recall my grandson telling me - You feed, shelter, love dogs, and they look at their owners and think "they are God". You feed, shelter, love cats, and they look at their owners and think "I am God".

Miss Val's Creations said...

These are awesome and so true! It's fantastic that feline prescriptions have alcohol warnings, particularly about driving.

LL Cool Joe said...

Ha ha love the Ice Cube meme, I might just have to use that one!! :D

Professor Chaos said...

I think you meant to say cats are the BEST scofflaws!

Dixie@dcrelief said...

You crack me up!
The neighbor's feral cat watches my squirrels, but I wonder if the cat knows the red shoulder hawk is watching him. Like a daytime soap.

Fundy Blue said...

I enjoyed this post so much, Debra! You put together a great collection of cat jokes to brighten my afternoon!

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Now THAT was funny. I like all the parts you put together to tell a little story.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I've never seen anything like that cat driving a car before - not on the streets or a blog. It's both hilarious and incredibly believable. Bet those cops felt awfully idiotic.

Hermesmerized™ the duchessofH said...

I always have a good laugh reading your posts Debra.
My cat; Trouble shreds any paper he can sink his teeth into. It's so crazy, and embarrassing trying to explain that my cat ate my paperwork, cheque, money, etc. He also opens the cupboards and lets the dogs help themselves to treats. He started this trick, to get to his own treats but the dogs ate them too, so I moved the cat treats to a drawer.
He knows I'm an idiot because I still haven't moved the dog treats.

Insomniac’s Attic said...

Please do not sit here ... Hahahahaha...

Jeanne said...

LOL! So true! So true! Hubby was talking to a friend at work recently about cats. The friend's daughter wanted a cat & he wasn't too sure about it. The friend wanted to get a dog because they were 'more macho'. Hubby said, "what's not to like about a little, cute, fuzzy, cuddly carnivore that could kill you in your sleep???? The friend's daughter got a kitten.

psychelyn said...

LOL! Aren't they?! Our cats totally think we're slaves of them but I love them all. This post is hilarious, love that one sitting on stairs :)))

I miss my fave cat who left us not long time ago.

CraveCute said...

haha! Spot on my friend!

Guillaume said...

Cats are superior creatures.

Riot Kitty said...

Holy cow. I am laughing my ass off, thank you! Especially "fuck the police."

Dexter Klemperer said...

That's rather astounding about the warning label on the pills. I guess they just make one label for all pill bottles.

Francie M said...

Yeah, the puking on the carpet trick. Martha Stewart has that one down to a fine art!