Friday, 15 June 2018

Hellfire, HA! I Laugh in Your Face


And according to self-proclaimed experts in this area, here are the other reasons people go to hell --


Okay, well, of all these reasons, I can beat the rap on being Mormon or Muslim . . . and I'm not a cutter or a thug . . . but otherwise, looks like I'm bloody doomed! Bet I'll have a lot of company in hell though, because let's face it, who doesn't like yoga pants? Soooooooo comfy!

Now, insofar as eternal hellfire for homosexuality goes, there's just one important little factor to keep in mind --


So what does Mr. Hellfire himself have to say about it?


LGBTQ+ people are not scared of hell, not one little bit.


And now I'm gonna share with you the top secret reason why!

You see, when each of us gets our LGBTQ+ certification from the Board of Directors of Queer Nation . . .


. . . we not only get the appropriate official membership card for our wallets . . .


. . . and the official rule book for our particular neck of the queer woods, but also . . .


. . . this handy-dandy little card! It covers everything!


So see you in heaven, all my LGBTQ+ brothers, sisters and non-binary gender-fluid siblings!

Unfortunately, all the rest of you are on your own.

37 comments:

anne marie in philly said...

these put a B-I-G :) on mah face; happy friday!

DEZMOND said...

Whaaat? Masturbators are eternally damned? OMG this is new info for me, but who will be left to guard the heavens then if we is all jerking down in hell?

Marie Smith said...

Lol. The devil had it right!

mxtodis123 said...

Wow, that's quite a list there. I guess no one will be heading to heaven.

Infidel753 said...

I never worry about going to Hell, for the same reason I never worry about going to Mordor or Azkaban.

These lists of things that doom you to Hell just get sillier all the time. Yoga pants? Sports nuts? I know gods always hate the same things that the people who create them hate, but this is getting weirdly specific.

I'd have thought the Lesbian Membership Committee would meet on Lesbos?

jaz@octoberfarm said...

witches are going to hell? damn! i wish i had known that earlier. oh well, whatever!

Adam said...

These are God's promises, and like the chocolate easter bunnies, they're hollow and artificial; and kind of bad for you.

^.^ said...

… it all boils down to believing or not, friend D … no heaven, no hell … so me thinks, we will b safe … smiles … Love, cat.

mistress maddie said...

I figure if I do go to hell, I'll be with a lot of people I know.

And if those quackos don't even masturbate, no WONDER their so miserable.

MrsDuncanMahogany said...

I'll bring the marshmallows....

Leeanna Henderson said...

Yeah, we're all going to hell in a fabulous handbasket as far as I'm concerned. These are pretty good.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Don't worry too much folks, those people have been bitter and ticked off ever since the flat earth with four corners belief didn't work out for them.

brewella deville said...

Yoga pants? Really? If anything, I figured the person who is most often portrayed as rocking a billowy white toga would be cool with athleisure wear.

Kirk said...

Used to be masturbation just made you blind. Now you're telling me you don't get to SEE all that brimstone and fire?

Professor Chaos said...

Dang, if those signs are to be believed, EVERYONE is going to hell. Be there or be square!

Missy George said...

I'm a little behind..love these!! I was gong to comment on Wed post and Thurs came up..Imagine that!! Love the second one from Wed...They are all great!! Happy weekend..

Mitchell is Moving said...

I love these! And I think I need to get me some red contacts! See you in heaven!

Janie Junebug said...

I'm going to heaven because I say I am. That's that. I hope I don't see all the people who are busy condemning everyone else.

Love,
Janie

Rue said...

I'm giggling away at work... I'm there with y'all. Too far gone now! xoxo

e said...

Awesome assemblage of amusement!

Joanne Noragon said...

I think everyone goes to heaven. Except, it's just the universe thing.

Ol'Buzzard said...

I'm three on the list so I'll see you there.
We'll have one hell of a party.
the Ol'Buzzard

lady M said...

All the interesting people are in Hell - that's were I'd be going if I believed in magical places we go when we die.

Bob Johns said...

I'm going to hell with gasoline socks on and I'm ok with that. Plus I'm so stealing the meme about sneezing that is the best thing I have ever seen is forever!!!

Rain said...

Ha ha ha...I need one of those cards, mind you, my fundamental christian parents already condemned me to hell before I was born me thinks. ;)

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

How are spandex more legit than yoga pants?

Have a great weekend, Debra.

Magaly Guerrero said...

So, does that mean that soon we'll get door-to-door religious zealots wanting to show yoga pants the way to heaven?

Kay G. said...

You should print those "Get Out of Hell Free" cards and sell them.
That's funny.

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

Leading a sheltered life as I do, I read the posters to check that I wasn't missing out on any fun …

bill lisleman said...

Yoga pants ?? what should one wear while doing yoga?
The older I get the less I believe in hell. Hell seems to be a fear generating tool to get the attention of those that don't listen to good advice.

AntiquityTravelers said...

I need a 'get out of hell free' card ... I seem to be violating quite a few of those of those 'warning' areas. Seriously, don't these people have anything better to do?

Jono said...

Fuck no! I want to be in hell with all of you. Much better party and the music! OMG! AND I won't cold anymore! What do I have to do to get there that I haven't already done?

Fundy Blue said...

I don't believe in hell; but I'll take one of those "Get out of hell free" cards just in case.

Guillaume said...

Quite a party those heathens seem to be having down there. Hope they don't mind banal heterosexual Godless men.

Magic Love Crow said...

LOL! I'm following you Deb! I will see you in heaven! LOL! This is hilarious!

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I am sorry not to tell you enough that you do a hella cool blog with a vision. And as you know all I ever ask is that you TRY and I always enjoy your stuff and I giggle like a tween girl when I see something you borrowed from me. Thanks for being in my life.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

@ Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness -- Thanks, Cal, I appreciate your comment! But jeez, you're not getting mushy after all these years, are you?