Wednesday, 19 May 2010

Canada's Sacred Sport (Part 1)

You know, Tim Hortons isn't Canada's only contribution to religion. We created our own Holy Grail too. Casually referred to as the Stanley Cup, it is the highest quest of Canada's Sacred Sport of Hockey.

Here it is, in all its Divine Glory . . .

(please be silent and yes, you must kneel.)


The bravest and the best of Canada's hockey heroes seek the Holy Grail each year. Here's a photo from my own city of Edmonton's team of mighty questers . . .

(who unfortunately did not even make the playoffs this year and in fact were the worst team in the entire NHL but hey, it allows us to have the first draft pick for the upcoming year -- SO IN YER FACE!!! Oh Gretzky, Gretzky, why did you leave us? Damn you, Pocklington, for trading Him!)


And yea verily, a young Canadian Saviour has now arisen amongst us who is known as "Hockey Jesus" -- He who scored the Golden Goal for Canada at the 2010 Olympics -- Sidney Crosby, Number 87, Captain of the Pittsburgh Penguins, last year's Stanley Cup Champions . . .

(who just got their ass handed to them on a plate by the newly-resurrected Montreal Canadiens. Go Habs Go!)

Behold the two Icons together . . .

(and meditate on your own sinful unworthiness even to be in their Holy Presence.)


Go ye and sin no more by watching other lesser sports like football, baseball, basketball or golf. To attain the Kingdom of Heaven, focus your attention exclusively on the Stanley Cup playoffs currently being broadcast on a TV set near you.

Here endeth the Lesson. Amen.

16 comments:

Judy said...

Laughing out Loud...Great Post...Thanks

Magaly Guerrero said...

I understand. I dated a Canadian for about a year and his belief was deep ingrained that it touched my soul too. I still feel mystical when I see hokey games, specially when the holy players are beating the unholy crap out of each other ;-)

Jeanne said...

All Praise Be to the sacred Stanley Cup! {bowing while in its presence & kissing the rug upon which it sits}

I, too, am a follower of the sacred Hockey. My Saviours were Patrick Roy & Joe Sakic (can you tell I'm a Colorado Avalanche fan?). I am now seeking a new Saviour since those two have retired. I would accept Crosby but he plays for the wrong team.

Together We Save said...

Oh my... great post!!

jaz@octoberfarm said...

it is hard to believe that the habs beat us and are now getting shut out by philly. i am rooting for the habs now that we are out and praying they will win on home ice!!! GO HABS GO!!!!! sorry jeanne...crosby is right where he belongs!!! haha!!!

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

The Stanley Cup Playoffs! Once upon a time I was caught up in hockey mania. Years ago I got a crush on a gorgeous member of the Montreal Canadians team. Oh wow, such fun! :-)

Can't remember his name now, isn't that terrible. ,-) But he had dark hair and wore no helmet [see how long ago?] and was gorrrrrrrrrrgeous. ,-)

That's how my spotty attempts at being a "sports fan" have gone. I have to like a player. Then I will follow. And of course, if I like a player on a winning team, that's the icing on the cake. -grin-

Rue said...

I can't even talk about our miserable Vancouver Canucks. Seriously. Cant. Even. Talk. About. It.

Ugh.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

I'm a football fan..only time i watch hockey is when the stars are in the running...what was that? 93 years ago?

City Wiccan said...

i am a Canadian and i don't get the whole hockey obsession. However, i did sit in reverence to watch the olympic gold game.

Leviathan said...

Yes Rue I feel your pain...with the Penguins out. Two years in the finals though...we should count our blessings (87, 71, 29, 11) and wait till next year.

Is that Oiler with the wings and halo Shawn Horcoff? Most certainly it is not The Great One who wore number 99, eh?

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Yes, that's Horcoff, No. 10, who's looking so angelic! No. 99's jersey is in the rafters!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Oh, I see what you mean now, Leviathan! People might think that photo is Gretzky because of the immediately preceding reference to Gretzky! That never occurred to me. Nice catch of my unintended ambiguity!

Leviathan said...

Oh you are entitled Debra! Oilers are your team and we are entitled to be just a little irrational when it comes to our teams.

We won't even talk about who was better, Mario or Gretz...will we?

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Poor Mario . . . always in Gretzky's shadow . . . always the bridesmaid, never the bride . . . I think that settles that little issue.

Ricky Shambles said...

Awesome post! I'm not huge into hockey but my Dad was enough to take us to see Wayne & Mario on the same ice. And it was fantastic.

As far as Jesus goes, I like the Karate version of the coach statue (http://tinyurl.com/28mjnr3), though I'd garner that some consider hockey as karate on skates with pads. Cheers!

Irmata said...

I am a little a-feared after reading this post...


;)
Even I got caught up in some mini-madness this year. It's Team Canucks in my house, not that I know any better!