Nancy White, Canada's favourite satirical singer-songwriter, wrote a wonderful song about Jesus's miraculous appearance at Tim Hortons. There's no video of the song on YouTube, so I'll just post the lyrics instead.
But first, for you Murricans and other Furriners, here's some info about Tim Hortons that will help you understand the lyrics:
(1) Every year Tim Hortons has a huge sweepstakes contest called "Rrrroll Up The Rim" where big prizes may be listed under the rim of your paper coffee cup. Canadians LIVE for Rrrroll Up The Rim.
(2) The original store was started in the 1960s by Tim Horton, an NHL hockey player from the Toronto Maple Leafs (that's why this song has a few hockey references). Tim Horton died about 10 years later in an unfortunate car crash. After his death, the business was franchised and turned into Canada's most successful restaurant chain. There are now a gazillion Tim Hortons right across the country.
JESUS AT TIM'S
1. I was driving to Cape Breton on a cold September's night
When a CBC announcer described an awesome sight,
It's causing folks to cross themselves, it's causing jaws to drop,
The face of Jesus has appeared on a Bras d'Or coffeeshop.
2. We've seen Elvis at the cleaners, and Hendrix at the zoo,
And aliens ate my uncle, but this is something new.
I figure when Our Saviour needs a break from all those boring hymns,
He's just like all us sinners, He can't wait to get to Tim's.
He wants to roll up the rim to win you, roll up to save your soul,
Teach you to love the donut and disregard the hole.
I've always been agnostic but I heard the Christian call
The day I saw Lord Jesus on Lord Tim Horton's wall.
3. Tim and Jesus met in heaven and they hit it off just fine,
Tim showed Him how to body check and Jesus made some wine.
He said, "I would not jive you, man, I'm not that kind of guy,
But I could walk on water!" Tim said, "Buddy, so could I!"
4. Well, He could have gone to Rita's where the scones are oh-so-sweet,
He could have gone to Lick-a-Chick -- it's right across the street!
He was thinking of cathedrals, He was looking for a sign,
When some musician told Him, "Man, Tim Hortons is a shrine!"
5. Well, some say it was the lighting, some say it was a fake,
But thousands went to see Sweet Jesus on their coffee break,
With crullers for communion, forgiveness was bestowed,
When the God of Heaven met the God of the Road.
(c) Nancy White 2002, from her album Stickers on Fruit.