Wednesday, 13 October 2021

Better Homes and Gardens

The real estate market 
is so HOT right now!

Maybe it's time to relocate 
to the house of your DREAMS?

First of all, get a GOOD real estate agent --


Maybe you can get a DEAL
on a FORECLOSED property . . . .


TRAILERS can be nice!


Or is it time to INDULGE
your GRANDEST fantasies?


Maybe buy that
GOTHIC MANSION
you always wanted?


Or perhaps a small but charming
WITCH'S COTTAGE
is more your speed?




Whatever you choose,
just make sure it's in a
GOOD NEIGHBOURHOOD.


Now THIS is more like it!




Above all, be sure to 
HEED ALL GOOD ADVICE
about your new home!


47 comments:

G. B. Miller said...

I'm kind of partial towards the homes in the heathen neighborhoods. I don't think I've ever been on the path of self-righteousness and holier-than-thou before, so this should be right up my alley.

Travel said...

Early on in my first career, I sold a house someone had died in. The previous owner had a heart attack died in the shower and wasn't found for a couple of weeks. I sold the house about 5 times before it went through, people kept chickening out. The final buyers, seemed to have made peace with the previous owner.

Lady M said...

I want a "Christians keep moving" sign for my neighborhood. I wonder where and when that was taken?

Bob said...

I NEED that first witches house!

Mistress Maddie said...

There all fun but the crow one cracked me up! I once saw a bird in Philly with a cigarette butt in its mouth.

And real estate is hot! My mother's friend just listed her home on Friday and it sold by Monday!!!!

Rosemary said...

The property market is very hot here too - the world has gone mad.

Frank said...

When we moved to New Mexico I had the opportunity to speak to one of our town officials on the phone. "Oh, you bought so-and-so's house. She was a nasty old lady. You guys would be good to smudge your house to rid it of the eebee jeebees." It was all I could do to keep from laughing. When I hung up I was laughing uncontrollably. Leon was, like, "so tell me already." Finally I was able to say, "Well, we're not in Connecticut (Kansas) anymore." But I got some sage from the garden and incensed the house. After all, I figured, it couldn't hurt. P.S. A couple of years later we met the previous owner. She seemed like a very nice lady.

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Hahahaha
The bird with the knife and the ankle monitor? Priceless. Also 'Not Haunted' really is telltale.

XOXO

Val Ewing said...

Awesome! Thank you for this today! I needed so many good laughs!

Ol'Buzzard said...

Heathen appeals to me.
the Ol'Buzzard

Parnassus said...

Oh no, Debra, you've done it again! Now that song is going to be haunting me.
Good point about the crystal balls!
--Jim

Debi said...

I will take the crone cottage deep in the woods please! Safer for Everyone!wink wink!

Linda said...

Trailers for sale………or rent! Now that made me laugh.

Christians keep moving……I want that for my yard.

Moving with Mitchell said...

I would be happy in some of these places. Ah, but two hours of pushing broom buys a eight by 12 four-bit room.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

@ Lady M -- Alas. this is a photoshopped version of an original photo taken around 1920 in the USA which had a very racist, anti-Japanese message, warning immigrants to stay out of this "white man's neighborhood."

Cynthia said...

You just gave me an idea for my blog. Also, when I saw the title of today's post, I thought: Better Gnomes and Gardens. Another phrase just turned up in my churning mind: Better Gnomes and Gargoyles, but this only means I'm going off the rails. Again. If only I lived in a Heathen Neighborhood. Because of my chronic lung disease, I am being stalked by a well-meaning born-again Christian neighbor who is determined to bring me to Jesus before I kick the bucket.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

@ Cynthia -- Oh dear, proselytizers are the WORST! And your title "Better Gnomes and Gargoyles" is a MUCH better Halloweeny title than mine!

bobbie said...

I'll take the stone cottage, please... And that pic of the tree holding the moon is Fabulous!!!

Leanna said...

BWAAAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAAAHAHAAA!!
I loved these. I noticed housing prices are crazy right now because of all the people dying off. Well if you'll excuse me I need to move my crystal ball away from the dining room window.

Boud said...

These are great. As are rl descriptions, cute meaning size of a chicken coop, cosmetic touches needed meaning it's been condemned etc

Magaly Guerrero said...

I am completely in love with all the cottages. If they happen to be in a heathen forest, then that's a done deal. When can I move?

The crystal ball meme is hysterical!

This N That said...

Love the witches cottages..I could live in one of them in a heartbeat....no pun intended..

Mike said...

I started reading the trailer sign words but by the time I got to the end, I was singing them.
Tree and sunset? Or sunrise? Either way, I copied it and you may see it again.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I'm encouraged by the siting of an ankle monitor on a bird. Most ravens need at least one.
Cheers, Debra.
Hope it was a Happy Canadian Thanksgiving too.

Linda said...

The gothic mansion would be nice to stay in for a while, but I would prefer a permanent address in one of the witches's cottages. In the forest, my dream location to live. :) Good advice about the crystal ball indeed!

Tundra Bunny said...

AHAHAHAHA! Love the bird hoodlum -- that knife looks used!

peppylady (Dora) said...

Now having a witch for a neighbor is right up my ally.
Coffee is on and stay safe

Guillaume said...

All very funny ones..I always wondered if haunted houses are cheaper or more expensive.

Bruce.desertrat said...

Number 7 very much reminds me of a wonderful book I found years ago in a thrift shop: "Hand made houses" It's a treasured possession, and that house very very much fits the theme of the book

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/496679.Handmade_Houses

Anne Johnson said...

I like the first one best, I think. But the whole crystal ball thing? I had some sky plants in a glass bowl, and one day the sun hit it just right, and that jawn jawn exploded. I was in the other room and heard a loud POP.

Joanne Noragon said...

I used to live in a neighborhood with a stone house. I asked a realtor to tell me when it went on the market. She told me to put my name on the list. It was sold before it was listed.

Magic Love Crow said...

I love that stone cottage in the woods! Big Hugs!

yellowdoggranny said...

ooh love all the cottages..wonder what it will cost to build one.

Janie Junebug said...

I wish I had the witch's cottage in my backyard. I'd trap, I mean invite, my mother-in-law in it.

Love,
Janie

judee said...

The houses on our street are selling like hot cakes and now there is no inventory at all. It's definitely a sellers market. I enjoyed all your witty captions and the beautiful photos.

pam nash said...

Yesssssss - I'll take the witch cottage but who wants one that's not haunted!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh my goodness. These are so funny! And real estate is absolutely crazy right now. Not sure if it's everywhere, but gobs of people are moving to Florida every freaking day and there aren't enough homes for all the newbies.

Ur-spo said...

yes yes yes to living in a haunted house !

Kirk said...

None of those looked like Samantha Stevens house.

DVArtist said...

These are all fabulous.

Fundy Blue said...

LOL! Love that crow with the steak knife! That tree grasping the moon is freaky! I like my neighborhood. I'm NOT moving! I hope you're delighted where you are! Take care, my friend!

Rhiannon Rising said...

You should read Stambovsky v Ackley. In New York, someone sold their home without disclosing that it was "haunted" and that people would come by to see it. The judge declared the house "haunted as a matter of law." You can tell he really had fun with that decision. It's a good read.

Liz Hinds said...

You know it's a rough congregation when the church rules have to say, 'No knives'.

Miss Val's Creations said...

Oh I want that thatched roof cottage!

e said...

Some of my neighbors probably think my house looks like a witch's abode. At least I hope so! I told a landscaper that I like a garden that looks like magic might still happen here.

baili said...

i was never a superstitious by the grace of lord ,now when i am facing necromancy it makes me really wonder why i don't feel afraid of things happening to me rather i feel pity for them who had to fell as low to do such ugly stuff to others ,i think the most scary thing for me is to making my Creator annoyed and this lives in my bones :)

so enjoyed the all funnies and memes ,thank you for sharing dear Debra !

Rommy said...

As long as they don't keep knocking on my door asking me if I've found Jesus (geez, guys get better at hide and seek!) I don't mind sharing a neighborhood.