During last year's Translesbigayapalooza, I was thrilled when blogging buddy Adam of Neko Random came out in my blog comments as bisexual! I've enjoyed Adam's blog and his wry sense of humour for a long time. I'm so glad he's feeling freer to share more of his identity because we all know how liberating that is! This year, Adam is graciously letting us know more of his thoughts about bisexuality in response to some questions I posed --
When did you come out and why is it important to you to be openly bi?
I'm not fully out to everyone, there's been certain family members and coworkers I'd feel rather unsafe telling them the truth. But I came out to the people I trusted several years ago and it had gotten easier and larger over time. I'm in the heart of one of the most conservative spots in America, I can never be too careful.
What was the most difficult part of your coming out process? What was the easiest?
I think honestly accepting it myself in my mind. In middle school being outed as "gay" was like a death sentence and that denial cemented in my mind. I always really liked girls but I ignored my crushes on guys as "silly thinking." I knew I was attracted to transwomen and I didn't mind everything that came with that. Then I came to accept my crushes on guys. It takes a lot more for a man to attract me than a woman. Typically the more masculine a guy is, the more turned off I am. Being bisexual isn't about equal attraction, there's plenty of men that women get excited about that peak zero interest from me. The easiest was having people who understood. Knowing other bisexual people also makes it easier.
Has anyone told you yet to 'just pick a side," LOL?
Not really, not to my face anyway. I had been accused of being just gay and that was hurtful. Especially as I've always preferred women.
What is the worst myth that people believe about bisexuals?
That we don't exist. There's countless degrees of bisexuality and I think some people who consider themselves straight ignore them, especially men. I think part of the stigma that we don't exist comes from decades ago when some gay men would say they were bisexual to be a feather bed to their homophobic friends and family. I'm married to a woman and to many people, I appear as a straight cis male. When I married my wife, I did not become heterosexual. I vowed never to betray her, that still doesn't make me heterosexual.
Why is bisexual representation so important within the LGBT community and within the larger community?
I think we are seeing a large bisexual awakening. The forced heterosexual stigma is cracking and people are accepting their true selves. I think most people are born bisexual to some degree and we let Christian dogma and society "straighten out" our thinking. There has been a huge increase of LGBT members of Generation Z especially. Generation Alpha will most likely show even bigger numbers in the future. We probably are the biggest chunk of the LGBT community and we can definitely make a real difference.
How do you show your bi pride?
I try the best I can online. I bought a bi pride blanket that I cherish deeply. I also love buying things with bi colors, even if the implementation seems to be a coincidence.
How can we all better understand and support the bi community?
Know that we exist and we are who we are. If you know someone bisexual, always be understanding. If you're in a relationship with a bi person, never make baseless accusations and be secure that they won't leave you or cheat. If you're gay or lesbian and have a bi partner, don't think they're going to leave you for a hetero relationship. If you're female with a bi male partner, making accusations that he's just gay is absolutely hurtful. And I hear bi women with male partners often get asked for the two girl fantasy. If your girl is bi, don't force the issue. Chances are you won't be able to satisfy one woman, let alone two. Respect her, especially if you don't know her stance on monogamy.