Thursday, 9 June 2022

Oh, Bi The Way . . . .


During last year's Translesbigayapalooza, I was thrilled when blogging buddy Adam of Neko Random came out in my blog comments as bisexual! I've enjoyed Adam's blog and his wry sense of humour for a long time. I'm so glad he's feeling freer to share more of his identity because we all know how liberating that is! This year, Adam is graciously letting us know more of his thoughts about bisexuality in response to some questions I posed --

When did you come out and why is it important to you to be openly bi?
I'm not fully out to everyone, there's been certain family members and coworkers I'd feel rather unsafe telling them the truth. But I came out to the people I trusted several years ago and it had gotten easier and larger over time. I'm in the heart of one of the most conservative spots in America, I can never be too careful.

What was the most difficult part of your coming out process? What was the easiest?
I think honestly accepting it myself in my mind. In middle school being outed as "gay" was like a death sentence and that denial cemented in my mind. I always really liked girls but I ignored my crushes on guys as "silly thinking." I knew I was attracted to transwomen and I didn't mind everything that came with that. Then I came to accept my crushes on guys. It takes a lot more for a man to attract me than a woman. Typically the more masculine a guy is, the more turned off I am. Being bisexual isn't about equal attraction, there's plenty of men that women get excited about that peak zero interest from me. The easiest was having people who understood. Knowing other bisexual people also makes it easier.

Has anyone told you yet to 'just pick a side," LOL? 
Not really, not to my face anyway. I had been accused of being just gay and that was hurtful. Especially as I've always preferred women.

What is the worst myth that people believe about bisexuals?
That we don't exist. There's countless degrees of bisexuality and I think some people who consider themselves straight ignore them, especially men. I think part of the stigma that we don't exist comes from decades ago when some gay men would say they were bisexual to be a feather bed to their homophobic friends and family. I'm married to a woman and to many people, I appear as a straight cis male. When I married my wife, I did not become heterosexual. I vowed never to betray her, that still doesn't make me heterosexual.


Why is bisexual representation so important within the LGBT community and within the larger community?
I think we are seeing a large bisexual awakening. The forced heterosexual stigma is cracking and people are accepting their true selves. I think most people are born bisexual to some degree and we let Christian dogma and society "straighten out" our thinking. There has been a huge increase of LGBT members of Generation Z especially. Generation Alpha will most likely show even bigger numbers in the future. We probably are the biggest chunk of the LGBT community and we can definitely make a real difference.

How do you show your bi pride?
I try the best I can online. I bought a bi pride blanket that I cherish deeply. I also love buying things with bi colors, even if the implementation seems to be a coincidence.

How can we all better understand and support the bi community?
Know that we exist and we are who we are. If you know someone bisexual, always be understanding. If you're in a relationship with a bi person, never make baseless accusations and be secure that they won't leave you or cheat. If you're gay or lesbian and have a bi partner, don't think they're going to leave you for a hetero relationship. If you're female with a bi male partner, making accusations that he's just gay is absolutely hurtful. And I hear bi women with male partners often get asked for the two girl fantasy. If your girl is bi, don't force the issue. Chances are you won't be able to satisfy one woman, let alone two. Respect her, especially if you don't know her stance on monogamy.


44 comments:

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Yay!
I'm all for Bi representation. I know several bisexual people and he's right: I've heard more people come out as Bi or Queer lately than ever before. And Bi people are great partners! Welcome to the community!


XOXO

Boud said...

Thank you for this! I've often thought that people who are in het marriages then later come out might really been bi but socially forced into one role when they were young.

Very few people are at the extreme ends of the sexual spectrum, and it's high time we allowed for that and stop policing other people's orientation. Good for anyone who honors their own reality, and for folks who accept people as they are, not as a work in progress that outsiders need to push one way or another.

I'm sorry we're so far from being safe everywhere for bi people.

Linda said...

Great interview, thank you both for sharing it!

bobbie said...

Great interview! TFS~

Marie Smith said...

I learned a lot from this interview. Thank you!

DVArtist said...

Good post and interview.

Moving with Mitchell said...

First: Debra, thanks for doing this. Most importantly: Adam, thanks for you honesty and openness. Congratulations on exploring who you really are without apologies. I wish you happiness and contentment and welcome you to your rainbow. You have my respect and admiration!

Jennifer said...

What a great interview, and so enlightening! I don't know a single person who is openly bi. Of course, I have lots of gay and lesbian friends, and a few transgender friends, but no one in my life has ever claimed to be bi. I hope I've never given off any vibes except acceptance!

Mike said...

Would bi be dead center on the sexual spectrum? Or does it float around?

Debra She Who Seeks said...

@ Mike -- No, bisexuality doesn't mean the exact centre of the sexual spectrum. Where exactly on the spectrum it falls differs for each bisexual person.

Mike said...

If you think about it, the spectrum isn't a straight line. It's more like a tree.

Ol'Buzzard said...

I am one-half bisexual, but I will celebrate it anyhow.
the Ol'Buzzard

Adam said...

Thank you

Adam said...

I definitely let my wife know early on when we were dating.

Adam said...

Thanks

Adam said...

Thank you

Adam said...

No, thank you

Adam said...

Thank you Mitchell

Adam said...

That's probably because we can "hide" very well.

Adam said...

It can mean almost anything. I prefer women but there are guys I like too.

Mike said...

I once dated twins and people always asked me how I could tell them apart. It was simple, Alison painted her nails red and Bob had a beard.

Bob said...

There was that line, "I don't buy bi."
People are people, and love is love, and let's just celebrate THAT! ๐Ÿณ‍๐ŸŒˆ

H.R. Bennett said...

I think the weirdest problem I deal with to date is that I have several friends that just don't accept I'm Bi because I'm married to a woman. Literally just say 'Nah. You're lying.' because my final choice ended up being a heterosexual relationship.

Busy Bee Suz said...

What a great interview; I really learned a few things here.
The Bi Pi Chart made me giggle.

Martha said...

What a great interview! Adam is such an amazing young man. His comment "I think most people are born bisexual to some degree and we let Christian dogma and society "straighten out" our thinking." That is very profound! My husband and I have had that exact conversation. Makes you wonder what would happen if we'd just let people freely choose whatever path they're drawn to. My hope is that eventually we'll live and let live.

Mistress Maddie said...

OH my goodness!!!!! I was hoping this was the Adam who started visiting my blog! I had no idea he had a blog and often enjoy his comments.

What a great post! And loved hearing about his bi life, and now I have even more questions!!!! But mostly good on Adam sharing his bi views, we don't hear near enough from bi people and probably because of people not believing it's a real lifestyle. Everything got to be gay or straight. Thats non sense.

Now I must add his blog to my reading list.

Kirk said...

Good interview. Congrats for bucking societal pressure, but that's what's really going on.

Liz Hinds said...

That was interesting. Thank you. I need educating. A lot.

Adam said...

Agreed

Adam said...

I do think 99 times out of hundred possible scenarios, I would have ended up with a woman.

On the flip side, if we end up in a homosexual relationship, then we may be accused of the opposite.

Adam said...

Thanks

Adam said...

๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’™ thank you

Fundy Blue said...

Thank you, Debra, and especially Adam. This was a very moving piece. My best friend Renee, who was my Maid of Honor in Terry's and my wedding was bisexual. When I first met her, she was in a lesbian relationship. but oblivious me didn't realized it. She came out with me just before we all went on a camping out desert motorcycle riding weekend, and she and her girlfriend would be sharing sleeping in a van with my first husband and me. Later she was in a relationship with a man, and finally she married another man. Then she died of a terrible asthma attack on the side of a California freeway. She was 35 and left behind a one-year-old son. I've had a huge hole in my heart from missing her over half of my life. Her being bi had no impact on my love for her as the best friend I ever had ~ Although, let me make it clear that I have two other friends who come very close to Renee in friendship. I have been richly blessed with friends. Renee really expanded my understanding of all the shades of sexuality in humanities. It's a wide-ranging continuum like all human behaviors. We need to relate to each other as human beings before anything else, and love is the most important thing in our world. My heart believes that I will see her again. Sometimes she appears to me in dreams when I am going through a difficult time. She was there for me in some of the darkest hours of my life.

I've said it before, Debra. I really appreciate how much you have taught me and expanded my heart. And, Adam, thank you for sharing more of you. I have my fingers crossed that all goes well with your "special delivery" in the near future.

Adam said...

You are free to ask me whatever you like

This N That said...

What a great interview. Thanks Adam. Food for thought for sure. Enjoy your weekend

Debra She Who Seeks said...

@ Fundy Blue -- Thank you, Louise, for sharing your beautiful tribute to your friend Renee and for your kind comments.

Adam said...

Thank you and I'm sorry about your friend

Bohemian said...

My Grandson taught me the different ways of Being. It is hard sometimes for me to remember to use the pronoun preferred 'they' and 'them' when speaking about a Child I Raised as a Him, yet knew from Age 2 that the Feminine was so strong it couldn't be denied and we embraced all of the Child. I did have my worries about presenting as a Female, since Society can be dangerous and even at age 12 there were assaults in public and Police never took it seriously or offered equal protection to LGBTQ people in the community. Now the Grandson has a Life Partner, the Grandson identifies as Gender Fluid and the Partner is Bi and most people would consider him a Cis Male... and be rather confused if his Partner is Male or Female? *Smiles* I'm so glad they found each other and at a Young Age were comfortable with who they are and Proud of who they are without apology. Some of Society is getting better at acceptance. My Dad was Native American and considered a Two Spirit Person, most indigenous Cultures never had a problem with Gender Identity and no shame, in fact, they revered those who were more than one Gender Identity... of coarse the Missionaries tried to quash that.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

@ Bohemian -- Glad to hear everything turned out well for your Grandson and his life partner too!

Rommy said...

So....

Ready for a second person to come out as bi in your comments section, because...๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’™

The line in Adam's interview that hit me like a ton of bricks was this: In middle school being outed as "gay" was like a death sentence and that denial cemented in my mind. I always really liked girls but I ignored my crushes on guys as "silly thinking."

I always knew I had "a type" even back then, and always dismissed it as silly and a thing that everyone thinks but eventually grows out of. Like Adam, I'm in a straight passing relationship too. LOL, and as some of my steamier poetry indicates, I'm pretty happy with the person I chose. I do think I'm slightly more attracted to men than women (depending on the man of course, Chris Evans rings my bell while Jason Momoa is just meh), but the right woman (helloooooooo Gina Bellman, and my childhood crush, Nancy McKeon) holds my attention too.

I'm still a little nervous about talking about it too much, but this year will be the first year I go to my local pride as an out bisexual (instead of Darling Youngest's mom reminding him and his friends to stay hydrated). But I'm going.

LOL, it is also somewhat embarrassing to me how few of my friends were surprised when I told them. Liiiiiike, wtf? ๐Ÿ˜…

Debra She Who Seeks said...

@ Rommy -- YAY! I am once again thrilled! So happy you'll be at Pride as your true out bisexual self, that's so fabulous! Your news has made my day, Rommy. And yeah, I had a thing for Nancy McKeon too -- rowrrr!

Rommy said...

LOL, for years hers was the only actress's name I remembered.

Miss Val's Creations said...

Fantastic interview. It would be great to live in a world where it didn't matter how any of us identify. Since we don't, it is helpful to read about others' thoughts and experiences to help us all better understand.

I also live in a conservative state too but was pleasantly surprised when we moved here how big the Pride community is and the fabulous events they hold each year. It gives me hope that maybe acceptance is improving.

Breenlantern said...

A gay man here accepting, welcoming, supporting, and loving my bi family. I am so sorry for the anti-bi attitudes from so many other people. When will we learn that we can't demand respect, freedom, equality, and acceptance for ourselves unless we are prepared to give it to all others?

Happy BI Pride! Bravo for embracing who you are.