5. I once got completely drunk and disgustingly sick on Manischewitz wine.
Many, many years ago when I was young and still under the mistaken impression that I was straight, I had a boyfriend named Doofus. One weekend we decided to go to the annual Ukrainian Festival in Dauphin, Manitoba. Our plan was to camp, eat perogies, watch the dance competition and get drunk. There was only one small hitch. A liquor strike had just started that day and desperate boozehounds had already bought out all the inventory in Winnipeg. So we stopped at every one-horse prairie town on the road to Dauphin in the hope that their smaller populations had not yet cleaned out their liquor stores.
And yay! We hit paydirt in one tiny town! We scored the last six-pack of some obscure brand of beer for Doofus and the last bottle of wine on the shelf for me. Hmmm, Manischewitz -- never heard of that wine before . . . .
As I came to learn later, Manischewitz is kosher Jewish wine used for seders and other mealtime rituals. It is incredibly, extraordinarily, sickeningly sweet. A small glassful of it at a ritual is one thing. I drank the whole friggin' bottle on top of a stomach full of perogies. I have never been so disgustingly sick in all my life. I'm sure it was the judgment of Yahweh on me for misusing the sacramental wine of His Chosen People.