It's been over 2 weeks since the Cat Olympics ended in London and yet my cat Her Royal Highness has not returned home. I've been worried sick but today an email from her finally arrived --
Hello, human. You'd better sit down before reading this. You won't BELIEVE where I am at the moment. Right after the Cat Olympics ended, news reached us CATletes about misbehaving cats being PERSECUTED in Russia. So in defence of my feline kind, I headed to the former Soviet Union to see what I could do to help. Wouldn't you???
Turns out that the "Pussy Riot" we had heard about is really a feminist punk rock band who sang a song in public dissing Putin. And they got ARRESTED for it!
AND I DID TOO when I joined a protest outside the courtroom! The Pussy Riot girls and I all got sentenced to 2 years in prison. IT'S AN OUTRAGEOUS TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE! But luckily, I have friends in high places. High places indeed.
Mr. Whiskervitch, who I befriended at the Cat Olympics, is working hard to convince his human to release us all from jail. He is going to crap in Putin's shoes every morning for as long as it takes until the message gets through. But secretly, I have my doubts whether Putin will break. He IS a former KGB agent, after all.
So in case Mr. Whiskervitch fails, I need ALL THE CATS who read this blog to write letters to Amnesty International condemning our imprisonment by the Putin regime and calling for our IMMEDIATE RELEASE! I know I can count on you, feline compatriots!
Love, hugz and purrz, Political Prisoner #1136.
[Photo of Pussy Riot by photojournalist Mikhail Metzel of AP]