With HRH Spayed and Agents Yuri, Knut and Buster Borghese clustered behind me, I stared down She Who Seeks. As H.A.R.E.’s top agent and best field operative, I am not easily intimidated.
“I’ll tell you what we’re doing in your office. Allow me to quote the official motto of H.A.R.E. -- Futuo Circum et Cognoscere. It means Fuck Around and Find Out. We’re here to see JUSTICE prevail!”
I activated a GPS transmitter signal on my phone. The office immediately filled with a familiar firenado of explosive light, heat, and rage.
“Good work, Commander Tundra Bunny,” Mother Nature roared. “I’ll take it from here.”
Only fools cross Mother Nature. Sure, she’s nurturing, generous, bountiful, and life-affirming. Until you do her the dirty, like killing her Chief Wizard and stealing her Karmic Crystal of Justice for evil purposes. Incidentally (and this is a fact not known to many people, including She Who Seeks), the Karmic Crystal of Justice doubles as a shockingly powerful bomb when needed. All Mother Nature had to do was detonate it while teleporting us outside to safety.
As we walked away from the smoking crater that was once the headquarters of the Translesbigay Mafia, a single sensible shoe, charred and blackened, fell out of the sky, narrowly missing HRH Spayed. A cockroach skittered out of the shoe, desperately trying to escape.
“GOTCHA!” Spayed exclaimed in triumph while stomping on it. “Like Shakespeare said, let’s kill all the lawyers.”
After saying our farewells to Mother Nature and the other Agents of H.A.R.E., Spayed and I walked on under the alternating streetlights of the dark avenue, Spayed’s fedora and trench coat only dimly visible in the gloom.
“Tundra Bunny, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
“No, it isn’t,” I replied. “I’m allergic to cats.”
[Story © Tundra Bunny and Debra She Who Seeks, 2024.
Art and photo of art © Debra She Who Seeks, 2024]
15 comments:
...I wish that JUSTICE would prevail here!
“I’m allergic to cats.”
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand scene!!!
Brava!
Thanks for sharing.
"Only fools cross Mother Nature." This reminds me of the old commercials in which Mother Nature, angered after being tricked that margarine was real butter, threatened "It's not nice to fool Mother Nature!" while thunder and storm clouds gathered. --Jim
Oh, and thanks for all the clever laughs this week, when we all especially needed them! Artwork appreciated too! --Jim
Thanks for telling us a story.
Hee hee - glad that sensible shoe survived the blast.
LMAO!!!!!!!! The closing line had me in stiches!!!!!! When did the next installment hit ? Sometime in 2025??? A better question is...where is the other shoe???
Love tat last line…a great ending! Well done!
My new motto, Futuo Circum et Cognoscere!
I saw a t-shirt online this morning and thought of you. It said, "Lesbians eat what!!!" and some very scared looking cats:)
She Who Seeks should have known better... Glad TunBun and HRH Spayed survived to tell the tale (tail?).
@ Pixie -- Hahahahaha, yes, that Scared Pussy started out as a meme originally, but now I've seen it on buttons and magnets -- good to know it's a t-shirt as well!
@ e -- "TunBun" -- love that nickname, LOL!
Allergic to cats. lol Me too!
Well that was exciting. I always root for the underdog, so I'm sad to see She Who Seeks taken so completely out at the end. I so want that phrase "Futuo Circum et Cognoscere" on a t-shirt, sounds so much nicer than FAFO.
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