Greetings, my poor, downcast minions!
Yes, rejoice, for it is I,
HER ROYAL HIGHNESS THE CAT
gracing you with my presence once again.
Every Christmas morning, my cousin Betty Windsor
(you know, "the other HRH")
gives a televised message to inspire her
inexplicably devoted subjects.
Well, if cousin Betty can make the effort,
I guess I can too.
Hell, even my other royal cousin,
The Black Panther,
(King T'Challa of Wakanda)
makes an effort to have fun
at this time of year and
they don't even celebrate
Christmas there!
So, because all of you are effin' miserable right now,
I am determined to set a good example
this Christmas to cheer you up.
Here goes nuttin' --
If that last one
didn't cheer you up,
you're beyond hope
and to hell with you!
. . . err, um, sorry . . .
Man, I don't know how
cousin Betty does it,
that relentless cheerfulness,
year in, year out.
NO! NO!
I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE!
I GOTTA BE ME!
And may the Cat Goddess Bast
bless you all this holy season.
Thank you and good day.