It wasn’t enough that I was nursing a lion-sized catnip hangover that morning. Fate had more punishment in store for me. Trouble waltzed into my office in the form of a dame carrying a big briefcase.
“Are you Private Investigator HRH Spayed?”
I gave her the once-over through bloodshot eyes. Oh, I knew her type. Tailored pant suit and sensible shoes. Short hair. No makeup. A Bar Association pin in her lapel. A lawyer. A lez lawyer.
“What’s it to you if I am?”
“Answering a question with another question. Nice. I like that.”
Yeah, a lawyer alright.
“I want to retain your services to locate something for me. Something valuable. I’ll make it worth your while.”
“Show me the money, toots.”
She snapped open her briefcase. It was lined with bundles of moolah, all in big denominations.
“There’s lots more where this came from. Plus you’ll have an unlimited expense account.”
I wiped the drool off my whiskers and cleared a space in the clutter on my desk to take notes.
“Okay, gimme the deets.”
“I’m seeking a very valuable mystical amulet whose power will enable me to win every court case I take. It’s called the Karmic Crystal of Justice. Word on the street is that it’s currently controlled by a gang of nefarious criminals. I need you to find it for me.”
“Can do, shweetheart,” I purred. “Consider it done. And since I like to know my clients’ names, who are you when you’re at home?”
“Just call me . . . She Who Seeks. That’s all you need to know.”
[Story, art and photo of art © Debra She Who Seeks, 2023]
39 comments:
Oh...this should be good. And what's not to like about the word toots? It's not used enough these days you ask me.
What an intro. And so short it’s like one of those Buster Crabb Flash Gordon episodes. Will tomorrow never come?!? And HRH Spayed. You’re a litter-ary genius.
HRH Spayed.
From the start you slayed me.
Move over Mickey Spillane. Another crime novelist is in the house.
Well done!
Amazing intro! I'm hooked...
I love it! Can't wait for the next installment.
Love,
Janie
LOVE IT, great turns of phrase.
Oh! I love this! Can't wait for more and more and more. You are a good writer---why am I not surprised? Happy Tuesday, my friend. xo Diana
Ahhh ... I fear that if the crystal is discovered, Investigator Spayed won't be able to relinquish the bauble because it is shiny and, you know, cats and shiny things! LOL
Great illustration! And yes, next chapter please.
this is going to be fun!
Ohhh so good!
“Show me the money, toots.”
And that's when I lost it and my orange juice almost killed me.
XOXO
HRH Spayed -- good pun! You surprised me with the "Karmic Crystal of Justice" though. I thought the treasured object would be the Maltese Fish, a Faberge Fur Ball, or Bronze Bastet stuffed with high-grade catnip, LOL!
Oh I enjoyed the drama and thrill involved in this meet up :)
You are amazing writer indeed just like you are an excellent painter dear Debra!
I bet you been winning most of the cases and I can say so because of the impressive strength you show in your words in your posts
Good job, toots! I have the biggest grin on my mug!
Big grins here!! More!
Oh my! Not the amulet?!
Someone should tell Ms Spayed that smoking is bad for her, as is overdoing the catnip.
What a fun conversation and a nice cartoon
Sensible shoes?! Say it ain't so!
Very good toots - looking forward to more.
I love tongue planted firmly in cheek stories (makes me want to start writing them again). Looking forward to the next chapter of "HRH Spayed"
SPAYED, ha ha!
I'll be here tomorrow, datz for sure.
I laughed out loud! The Spayed name is genius. Loved it! More please!
First chapter and already I like it :)
I would like to live with a cat again. I live in an area where they are suspicious creatures. Our mom raised us with cats. I have met some nice remarkable cats. This happened in the before the times.
Used to be, you could just go to the local market or dumpster and rescue a kitten and live happily ever after with a nice cat.
If Mohamed cut his sleeve off to not disturb his cat,
Why will he not be a useful prophet? That particular story sticks in my mind. I get tired of islam and christianity.
Could it be worse? Probably.
I have been cursing since the day i was born, and no way will i turn christian or islam. You want a manifesto? You want to talk about cats?
Oh no! I wiped the drool off my whiskers! Come over here! We are poor, but we have nice food! Se hablamos espanol, but our specialty is lamb kebabs with ajvar. Thanks to our talented staff, we can offer tacos de lengua for your homesickness feelings. Sometimes, lengua doesn't translate in to english.
So we call it beef tongue. I am tired of the joke. They always say eew disgusting a cow tongue.
Right then, that is when i start to sort them out. If they are vegetarians or vegans, that is not a problem. Total respect. But i like a nice chilled slice of beef toungue with salt. So do what you will.
V
Since you've adopted his style, take a look at this picture of Raymond Chandler:
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/468867011175975081/
@ Kirk -- Aha! A cat lover! I knew it! Thanks for the photographic evidence.
Ooh I love this so far. :) I love the idea of a cat noir.
-Quinley
I think that was my favorite bit
I love a classic gunshot story...
I'll get the popcorn.
A Lez Lawyer!
This is awesome!
and the adventure begins
Oh I'm late in the news! Got some catching up to do.
Love it Toots.
LOL, I'm loving it already. And that picture is perfect!
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